Teaching always moves through ups and downs. Sometimes it feels like too much, sometimes it feels just right. This week, it feels like exactly where I need to be at exactly the right school with exactly the right children. I hope this is symptomatic of my personal growth over time, as opposed to the winding down of a school year or the change in weather, but whatever the cause, I’ll take it.
Too often Sundays feel anxious. Instead of a day of relaxation, they usually feel like the day before Monday, the day before my life shifts back into work mode. Lately, they’ve been different. They have felt untethered to the demands of the week. Likewise, where Friday used to feel like my saving grace, lately it has felt instead like an unexpected surprise at the end of the day, like I could keep going, like I still have more to do and do not mind.
I want to know what the difference is, so that I can make this how I always feel about my work. I know it’s not a change in the kids, they’re just as challenging and wonderful as ever. It has something to do with me.
Maybe I do better when the days are longer and the sun is out. Maybe the seven weeks until summer has me more relaxed or the promise of STAR testing being over soon is comforting. Perhaps it is the end of two years with the same kids and the knowledge of my real love for them as our days come to an end. Then again, it could be I have slowed down after work, making more time for nothing instead of cramming every moment with writing. Or, just maybe, I really did pick a profession I enjoy and this is the beginning of years of liking what I do.
Oh goodness, if I could only be so lucky. If to teach and write could be enough, my life would be full in a way I always dreamed but never expected.
Week 32 was test prep and our annual teacher appreciation days. I got sweet notes and gifts and words of encouragement. Smiles where sometimes there has been conflict. Little gestures of gratitude to show I am at the right place at the right time with the right kids. As I stood in front of parents yesterday for Saturday School, I thanked each family for giving me the honor of spending two years with their children. My eyes filled with tears. The right place.
If it’s right for you, I can’t imagine a better life than spending it teaching and writing. I think the key is that you’re not just accepting that this is your life. You’re always looking inside, checking in, thinking about where you are and where it may be leading you. I have no doubt that, whether it is this combo of teaching and writing, or something wholly different five years or ten years from now, you’ll always make sure you’re doing something that makes sense for you.
I like the way you put that. I think sometimes I just want things to last, but really it doesn’t matter how long it lasts as long as I keep moving in the direction that makes sense for me. Thanks for the wise words!
Beautiful post Olivia!!! It sounds like you are really enjoying the moments with grace, smiles and gratitude, and, like the post above, it makes sense to you. Enjoy it!!!!
Thanks… I have such a hard time trusting when things are good… It’s one of the lessons I’m working on 😉