Category Archives: Teaching

Oct 04 2012
21 Comments
Family, Life, Teaching, Writing

Thankfulness Thursday: BE BRAVE.

Today is the second installment of Thankfulness Thursday. This week’s theme, be brave.

1. Eight happy little query letters left my computer today as I fought back some serious stage fright. It took courage to press send each time, but I did it! I’m sending them out in batches of eight because eight is my lucky number… 8/8/83, born. 8/8/08, engaged… Big sigh of grateful relief that I got this far.

2. Speaking of engaged, yesterday was my three year wedding anniversary. Today I’m grateful to all the incredible people who made it the happiest day of my life. My family, Alex, and my friends, THANK YOU! It’s funny to admit, I actually had to push myself to be brave to let this day happen. My inclination was to run away and get married with a tiny audience, but I’m so glad we didn’t. I realized in the process that involving others wasn’t about putting on a show, but instead about creating a community of love and support from the people with which we’re grateful to share our lives. Incredibly and humbly thankful for this day and everyone we love.

Three years ago!

Three years later! (Still smiling!)

A big thank you to my glorious family.

And to our glorious friends!

3. One of the bravest people I have ever met is 10. This week, she brought in the Black Eyed Peas track “Where is the Love?” Before playing it for us, she gave the class a little speech about how she chose it because she felt her classmates needed to reflect on how they treat one another at school. She then demanded that students sing along with her and would not stand for any laughter or horseplay. She is my hero this week. I wish I could tell you her whole life story. If you’re anything like me, you’d cry with amazement.

4. Sometimes I try things when I teach that require me to be brave, like taking 30 fifth graders outside to attempt a human model of our solar system. Watching the students laugh as they unsuccessfully tried to orbit the student in the middle (playing the sun) reminded me why I teach. So thankful for that happy little reminder. We’ll try again when it’s not 100 degrees outside…

Studying the planets and creating our own maps of the solar system has been a highlight of our fifth grade year so far.

There you have it. Four things for which I am grateful on this fourth day of October. Thanks again to the lovely Ashley over at Domestic Fashionista for the inspiration and graphic! Wishing you a brave and thankful Thursday.

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Sep 28 2012
9 Comments
Life, Teaching, Writing

At Least I’m Good At Cheering Myself Up…

Today a student brought me a note. At first, I barely looked at it, distracted in my attempt to convince the class that listening to the sounds of the ocean while writing is beneficial. Most of my students have never been to the beach, so when our peaceful CD started playing and they looked at me funny, I told them to imagine they were writing in front of the sea. Again, strange looks, until I said I was imagining myself there right then, the sun shining, the waves crashing, with a big old smile on my face. That time, they smiled back and nodded, finally getting the picture.

Then, I remembered to look at the note and realized it was a list of all the things the student likes about me, (much more interesting than the complaints I was expecting to read). See, when she was really upset with me last week, an administrator asked her to make this list. She wasn’t asked to share, so I forgot about it, but today she unexpectedly gave it to me anyway.

My favorite entry:

Mrs. M is good at cheering herself up. 

An astute observation, particularly as I sat there using the ocean to indeed cheer myself up, soaking in a few moments of artificially-created tranquility.

This was followed by:

Mrs. M is good at cheering the class up.

So, as easily as I sometimes fall into a funk, at least I’m good at cheering myself (and others) back up. This is probably the best compliment I’ve received in a long time. Thank you dear, bright, sometimes-angry-but-still-forgiving child.

I leave you with 22 crudely-shot seconds of the glorious Oregon Coast in Bandon from this summer. Maybe it will cheer you up too in its quiet simplicity.

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Sep 27 2012
6 Comments
Life, Teaching, Writing

Thankfulness Thursdays: Inaugural Post

Going back to school following summer break has been an exercise in positivity. Imagine seven glorious weeks where your entire life is in your control. Write whenever you want, do yoga whenever you want, visit friends and family whenever you want… Okay, maybe that is my vision of freedom, not yours, but you get the idea.

Then, suddenly, your life belongs to thirty (deserving) children once again. It’s like the ultimate post-vacation hangover, because you aren’t just lamenting a week or two passing, you’re letting go of what has become a habit-forming, newly-adapted lifestyle. You get a really good taste of freedom and then it’s gone, and when I say gone, I mean welcome to one of the most draining, time-consuming-yet-equal-parts-rewarding jobs on the planet.

But, this is the real life of a writer and human being, bills need to be paid, and other passions need to be fed, which in my case, means teaching children, at least for the time being. Eight weeks into my return to the classroom, I find it hard to believe an entire “summer” has passed since my cherished seven weeks ended. Overall, I have adjusted and am finally getting back into my groove, but I still miss the freedom.

Accordingly, when I saw another blogger generously share her idea (and image!) for Thankfulness Thursdays leading up to Thanksgiving, I had to jump in. I know gratitude is one of the healthiest fixes for the soul, or at least for mine. Accordingly, a quick list of this week’s gratitude highlights:

1. Monday, Career Day for spirit week, a little girl comes in dressed in jeans and a cardigan. “So, what career are you modeling?” I ask, skeptical she might be taking advantage of the day to wear whatever she wants, instead of her regular uniform. “I’M YOU! You always wear these sweaters!” she exclaims, tugging the sleeve of her sweet, little teal cardigan, very proud of herself. Talk about heart melted! (And, yes, I may have a cardigan obsession.)

2. Unwired Wednesday. After a state of near tech burnout Tuesday night, I decided Wednesday would be computer-free afterwork. 5PM, I shutdown my laptop and did not look back– a glorious return to hot yoga after two weeks of finding excuses, delicious dinner with the husband, and the second episode of Downton Abbey’s newest season. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G how the simplest evening can feel so good. Thinking Unwired Wednesdays might become a tradition.

3. Today marks four working days until my week-and-a-half fall break. Looking forward to sending out my query letters, celebrating my three-year wedding anniversary in wine country, attending Hardly Strictly Bluegrass with my much-missed Bay Area friends, and spending time with my mom in Mt. Shasta. As much as teaching can wear me down, I am also incredibly grateful it fluctuates between busy and freedom. Going back to a life with only 3 weeks off a year seems unthinkable, (unless, of course, I’m writing novels…).

So, what are you most grateful for today? Feel free to jump on the Thankfulness Thursday bandwagon and borrow Ashley’s lovely graphics.

Above all, here’s to being healthy and alive!

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Sep 25 2012
11 Comments
Life, Teaching

Dirty, Dirty Politics

One of my fifth graders is getting a life lesson early. This week is student council elections and her posters are being ripped in half in the hallway, sprayed with water, destroyed. To top it all off, she’s also being called nasty names. When I first discovered this, I wanted desperately to protect her. I wanted to make it stop, (and, I feel I have done everything in my power to do so).

Nonetheless, as I walked to my car this afternoon, it occurred to me that if nothing else, she is learning something about life that is all too true– politics are dirty, even at age 10.

Someone really wants to win. Still trying to figure out who our own Tracy Flick is…

Cue the scene where the posters are torn from the wall.

Perfect timing as our own, “adult” presidential election heats up. If only the grown-ups would lead by example.

 

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Sep 24 2012
2 Comments
Teaching

Putting on a Suit to Mean Business

Let me introduce you to the old me. I used to put on suits to accompany my boss to board meetings with important people at banks in downtown San Francisco. I dreaded suit days. Lugging an oversized projector bag in three inch heels from one end of the Bay to the other was not my idea of a good time. Then, of course, there were all the times I donned my suits for job interviews… Let’s just say I’m pleased teaching does not often call for a suit. Today was one of those rare occasions and it felt surprisingly good, surprisingly meaningful.

Day One of Spirit Week: Career Attire

When I heard the all-call for career attire, I considered dressing up for something outside the box, but then I thought about what my students need to see. I decided they needed to see a woman in a suit. Not that they don’t see this from my lovely principal and other administrators, but I felt they needed to see it from me so we could have a discussion about why I used to wear a suit and what it should look like to go to a job interview, (as well as other pertinent scenarios like the reality that heads of businesses and future presidents all wear suits).

Student questions included:

“Is it better to wear heels or flats to an interview?”

“How tall were the buildings you used to go to for meetings?”

“What would happen if you made a mistake in your presentation, would you get fired?”

That one made me laugh, a lot. The first presentation I ever created for the heads of a bank included a mistake where I accidentally left out half of the data analysis. No, I was not fired. Yes, I was embarrassed.

The funny thing in my decision to wear a suit today is that if I were teaching at the private school where I used to sub, I would probably tell the students about the merits of being a teacher or a writer or some other passionate endeavor that contradicts the push to pick a career based on financial security. However, with these kids, my kids, I give them that version of reality everyday when I teach writing, when I talk about why I became a teacher, when I encourage them to follow their dreams.

Today, I wanted to show them another version of myself, one that still exists dormant beneath the surface. I wanted to show them that a woman can put on a suit and mean business.

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Sep 20 2012
16 Comments
Life, Teaching, Writing

Dream Big or Go Home

Every fall, the organization I work for holds a region-wide professional development day. With roots in Silicon Valley and tech start-ups, my charter school group is forward thinking, technology-driven, and business minded. Last year’s theme was the importance of reframing failure as a welcomed opportunity for improvement.

This year, the theme was BHAGs, Big Hairy Audacious Goals. The idea, you have to dream bigger than you can imagine in order to succeed beyond your wildest dreams. You have to think decades, not just years. Then, you have to create an actionable plan to bring these goals to fruition. The more seemingly outlandish, the better.

While I applaud my charter organization for having BHAGs, I decided I needed to also have my own big hairy audacious goals. Usually, I think just one year at a time, maybe five at the most, stretching for what is within reach. Instead, this evening, I pushed myself to imagine the kind of over-the-top success I usually only let linger in my brain for a few minutes before settling on smaller, more seemingly attainable goals.

So, here you go. My BHAGs.

1. Be an internationally published author with readers around the world. I am currently living vicariously through Eowyn Ivey, author of the Snow Child, on her trip around the world to market her book and visit her foreign publishers. To achieve this BHAG, I need to write, write, write, and write some more.

2. At first I wanted to have a blog following of 1,000, but that seemed minuscule in the shadow of a big hairy audacious goal. Instead, I want to establish a following of 10,000. Why not? The more readers of my blog, the more potential readers of my books, and the more likely I can sustain myself as a writer. 10,000 definitely feels big and hairy. Again, I need to write, write, write, and put myself out there.

3. Live or have a vacation property overlooking the ocean. It’s easy to say you want wealth or any number of things that come with it, but I think specificity is important to achieving goals. I want to wake up to the ocean, write with the sound of the waves, do yoga on the beach until I’m a little old lady who can’t do yoga anymore, (aka dead). Again, sounds like I need to write, write, write, because teaching certainly isn’t going to buy that dream.

To write by the sea is the life for me.

My dream.

As writers, I think we’re often discouraged from dreaming big because most of us will never get there. However, as long as your happiness doesn’t depend solely on whether or not you achieve your goals, I disagree with all the disillusioned souls who say it’s too hard, too unlikely. As long as someone out there is doing it, it’s possible. Might as well be me, or you, or better yet, both of us.

Reminds me of my beloved Marianne Williamson quote, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

So shine on and be free with me.

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Sep 12 2012
8 Comments
Life, Teaching

My Charter School: I Hope Good Triumphs

Last night I attended a school board meeting, not for my school, but for the district in which my school resides. I teach at a charter school. We have no district, other than our charter organization, which is consistently rated one of the best in the state, with 12,000 students from LA to Sacramento. However, unions don’t like us. We take students from district schools, schools that are often struggling to meet student needs. We take them and we teach them, successfully.

Still, it does not matter if my school is successful. What matters is that we take students from districts with unions with lobbyists that despise us because we also take away money. Our charter needs to be renewed, either by this district or the state. People are fighting against us, because of money, because of politics. There is a divide between public and charter schools, maybe rightfully so. Charters are a quick fix, a small band-aid to a system that in many places is not working.

However, this band-aid fixes real students. This week is conference week and I cannot count how many families have told me our school has changed their child, that before they struggled, but now they succeed. I get that a very real debate exists about charters and how they do not fix the system as a whole, how some fail their students, how there is so much inconsistency. But, if a charter works and the schools around it don’t, what kind of world do we live in where the schools that fail stay open and the ones that succeed close?

We’re not there yet, there are still multiple avenues to pursue, and the district has not decided whether to grant us a charter. Even so, listening to their board meeting last night, I could not help but be smacked in the face with the realities of bureaucracy. Members spoke candidly about how we take their students, their money, how they would prefer we just left, even if we’re doing a better job for our kids than the other schools in the neighborhood.  A few spoke up about our success, those few gave me hope that we still have a chance. After all, this is the third board meeting I have attended, the other two at the state level, someone always dislikes us, someone else always disagrees.

Before our portion of the hearing, enraged families stood before the board, upset the district will not allow their children’s epilepsy drugs to be administered by volunteers at the school. Drugs that prevent brain damage, pain, and even death from seizures. Sitting, listening, I could not help but think we live in a bizarre world, where liabilities, unions, and finances stand in the way of life-saving drugs given to children, successful schools automatically approved to stay open.

What struck me most is that our system is slow and cumbersome because of bureaucracy. Panels, boards, committees left to ponder big questions with other interests seeping in. People who do not like successful charter schools must be very patient souls if they are willing to wait for the system to change on its own. They must not know the children and families that I know. They must not see the true depth of good created by this band-aid.

Still, it is too early to say how the board will rule, and maybe I am still young and naive not to see some sort of bigger picture. All I can really say is that I hope good triumphs.

 

 

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Sep 07 2012
1 Comment
Life, Teaching

Hopes & Dreams

I remember when I first started substitute teaching at a small private school in East Sacramento six years ago.  Watching all the emerging personalities, I could imagine futures. A balding accountant, a ferocious attorney, a sleek, high-paid consultant. Not only would I see their future professions, but I could see their adult personalities. Most were type A, focused, driven.

As a fresh-faced college graduate, they often complimented my Urban Outfitters apparel, then asked why on earth I would want to be a teacher. They could not possibly understand why I would settle for such low pay to work with children, even though they were children themselves. Clearly, their expectations were shaped by other measures than job satisfaction.

I can’t remember my exact response. Quite honestly, I probably still agreed with them to some degree. I never thought I’d be a teacher, let alone an elementary school teacher. I still thought I had to put my name in lights or make a fortune to be happy. Substitute teaching was my source of income while I lived at home, applied for jobs, auditioned for ridiculously doomed independent films. Travel show host, filmmaker, actress still topped my list. Lawyer had just been scratched on account of the brutal realization I did not want to sign the financial aid papers.

Of course, that was me then. Three years behind a desk making decent money but unhappy left me daydreaming about those same kids. Somewhere along the way, I realized teaching elementary school could be an incredibly rewarding and challenging profession. Which brings me to today, gluing my students’ colorful clouds with their hopes and dreams next to their pictures.

Now I am the leader of a much more eclectic bunch. Many of their dreams are big, creative, out of this world.  Not only that, but many of them want to be teachers. Reading their hopes for the future this afternoon, I could not help but grow teary. In their words, I hear myself. So many future teachers and writers in my room. You know, in addition to other things, like famous dancers and video game makers…

Putting up this wall of hopeful words was the highlight of my week.

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Sep 06 2012
9 Comments
Life, Teaching, Writing

Blogging While Tired (BWT)

I think I have a new rule to add to my guiding principles for blogging…

Blogging while tired may be almost as bad as blogging while drunk.  I feel like I need some sort of little indicator that warns me to just give up and walk away. This week has been exhausting, not sure why, hasn’t been a bad week, but I’ve been beyond tired.  The last post I wrote took me what seemed like hours and I still was not able to really say what I wanted– had to go back and do some little cleaning last night, but even then, was too tired to really tackle it.

Then there have been all the other topics I’ve wanted to write about– a child referring to Mitt Romney as “A bad, bad man,” like a predator or the boogie man, while I tried to keep an unbiased, straight face, the less noticeable beauty of the sunset through the roof and tree-lines of the valley, (as opposed to the majestic unobstructed views shared elsewhere), an acceptance to the kind words/blogging award given over at Talkin’ Shit.  But, even today, my brain is just too tired to really piece together a meaningfully intelligent or humorous post.

So, instead, a decree.

No blogging while tired.  And, when I mean tired, I mean really tired, like when you have to read your sentences five or six times to make sure they make sense, (and then you still sit there scrunching your face at the screen, uncertain if you succeeded, allowing way too much valuable time to disappear into the black hole of the internet).

Too bad I’m already breaking my own principle. Hard to stay away. Must stop rereading sentences even if I can’t tell if they make sense. At least I can say I’ve never blogged while drunk… Although, can’t promise it would be much different.

Too tired to think of a whole post worthy of this picture, but I was struck by the reality that the sunset is only a tiny snippet of the sky where I live down in the valley.  Probably why I don’t notice it most nights… Still gorgeous last night though, the result of thunderstorms and smoke/smog/I really have no idea.

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Sep 01 2012
8 Comments
Family, Life, Teaching, Writing

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

How often do you actually stop to look at yourself in the mirror?  I mean, really look at yourself?  Of course, I’m being rhetorical here, I’m not begging you to respond with an exact answer, I just realize that most of the time when I look in the mirror, I look past myself, checking just the details to make sure I’m presentable to the outside world.  I look without seeing myself, if that makes any sense.

Once in a great while, I actually stop and look myself in the eyes and have this weird moment of connection where I think, I’m that girl, the one with the long brown hair, the one who goes to school to teach children, the one that’s married to Alex and loves to write and travel.  I get that we are so much more than who we are on the outside, but sometimes, making that connection to our physical self grounds us in the reality that we’re here, living life, present.

I was just working on my book and this memory of looking in the mirror and seeing the future came back to me.  At the time, I was an economic analyst in Berkeley, but I knew I wanted to escape. Each morning I walked to work past an elementary school and I wished I was walking there instead of to my cube.  Sometimes, I would look in the long mirror in my office bathroom, and I would see a teacher staring back at me.  That probably sounds odd, but truly, I would look at myself and think, that girl is a teacher, not a cube dweller.

Reflecting on this now, I cannot help but wonder whether truly looking in the mirror is a more powerful tool of self-discovery than we realize.  I know it’s a commonly used phrase to take a long-hard look in the mirror, but I’m beginning to think it has some actual meaning.  Today, I still see a teacher staring back at me.  But, she’s also a writer, a traveler, and a much more alive human being.

As much as Photo Booth can make you feel like a teenager making duck faces for Facebook, it also provides that mirror snapshot. The chance to capture yourself and ask who you see.  I asked myself these same questions the other night after work, laughing into Photo Booth while my husband gave me funny looks from across the couch.  It was one of those rare moments I actually stopped to look at myself and I saw a tired, but happy teacher staring back at me.  When is the last time you stopped and really looked?

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Aug 30 2012
9 Comments
Family, Life, Teaching

Love is Truth

There is this one little girl in my class who writes me notes and draws me pictures almost daily. Last week, she drew a picture of me, Mr. M., and our son. I am neither pregnant nor have I ever indicated any desire for children to my students. Still, she drew our son and labeled him, your son, the king. I walked away thinking, does she know something I don’t?

Today’s picture left me equally unsettled. It was a picture of me with the words Love is Truth printed across my body.  Randomly deep words that clung to me for the rest of the day. Up until last week, her drawings never had these messages. They were always of the simpler You’re-the-best-teacher-ever variety. Now they’re cryptic, little fortunes hidden in brightly colored scenery.

Chances are, these words are just an expression of her affection. But to me, they’re oddly wise and prophetic. Love is truth. When I first read this, I smiled, caught off guard by her wisdom. Sometimes, in the middle of everything, distracted by the bustle of a thousand little unimportant things, unexpectedly deep words carry more weight.

Thank you, child. Love is truth, I agree. And, if I have a son first, I’ll think you’re able to see things I cannot.  Or, then again, maybe you have just been paying more attention than usual at Sunday school and are confusing me for the Virgin Mary.  Either way, your messages give me something to think about.

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Aug 25 2012
2 Comments
Family, Life, Teaching, Writing

Blogging Rules To Live By

A wise reader suggested I set guiding principals for my blog as my filter for what I publish.  It is all too easy to write whatever is on my mind, letting this become a space for emotional release instead of a platform to base my writing.  I have to remind myself, this is not a journal, it’s a blog with a higher goal.  Tangents are alright, alienating critical audiences is not.

Accordingly, here are my three guiding principals:

1.  Write with the ultimate goal of traditional publishing.

2.  Write in a way that will not betray my loyalty to my school and/or students.

3.  Write without compromising my relationships with friends and family.

Simple.  Right?

Who knew blogging was so layered with goals and audience awareness.  Still, it feels good to verbalize these principals.

Happy Saturday!

Above all, family first.

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