Tag Archives: Love

Feb 13 2013
5 Comments
Life, Teaching

Thirty Little Valentines

Say what you will about Valentine’s Day. I tried to hate it for a long time. Now I embrace it as a chance to profess my love for the wonderful people in my life, big and small.

Last year, I made a little heart for each student. A tiny token of my affection. Months later I noticed the hearts still used as bookmarks, or kept in the top corner of students’ desks, or taped to the inside of pencil boxes. In a fit of anger, one student even crumpled up his heart and put it on the floor only to pick it back up again and hide it in his pencil box when he thought I was not looking. Love games start early.

This year I was excited to make new little hearts, thirty of them, to be exact.

30 little hearts for my 30 little loves.

30 little hearts for 30 little people.

So, even if Valentine’s Day is not your thing, maybe it is still your chance to make someone else feel special. That’s how I see it. You don’t need to spend money or buy greeting cards or even be in romantic love. All you need are some well-intentioned words from the heart.

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Feb 02 2013
12 Comments
Family, Health, Home, Life

All I Really Need…

Is a song in my heart,

Food in my belly,

And love in my family.

Turns out the song I’ve been absent-mindedly singing around the kitchen for years is really a Raffi classic. Did not realize this until it was stuck in my head this morning and I googled it. In case you didn’t know, Raffi is famous for other such gems as “Baby Beluga” and “Banana Phone.”

I’ve decided this is my February Bloggers for Peace challenge: getting this sweetly annoying jingle stuck in everyone’s head. Just try and be angry when you’re singing this all day, (you’re welcome and I’m sorry simultaneously). Warning, clicking play may result in singing this song for the next three decades (or longer), but at least it has a good message, (as opposed to other childhood favorites like “The Song that Never Ends”).

Enjoy!

 

 

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Jan 30 2013
8 Comments
Life, Teaching

Unexpected Fame: You’re the Goodest Teacher

Today as I walked my rowdy crew of fifth graders chomping at the bit to become middle-schoolers out for dismissal, a kindergartener in another line turned to me and said, “You’re the goodest teacher.”

I don’t know the child, but a whole lot of children I don’t know know me. I’ll be walking through the hall and receive an excited hello with my name. I’ll be headed to my car in the evening and hear a chorus of, “Good-bye Mrs. M! Good-bye!”

My favorite, though, is out in public. I’ll see a student at the grocery store, still dressed in uniform. He or she will stop in the aisle and stare at me like I could not possibly exist outside the tall black metal gates of our school. One little girl I had never met squealed and ran after her mom. “I JUST SAW MRS. M, FROM SCHOOL!”

Children in cars point at me through windows.

Turns out I’m pretty darn famous within a couple mile radius of my school. Not exactly the fame I hoped for as a child watching the academy awards, but instead something meaningful. A reminder that what I do matters to little people I don’t even know yet. Maybe one day they’ll sit in one of my big kid desks and then I’ll know their names.

Until then, I’m just grateful for a wayward compliment from a child who does not know me but must know I need a little love on a challenging day too.

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Jan 18 2013
4 Comments
Family, Life, Teaching

Week 20: It’s All About Heart

When I started teaching on my own, a year and a half ago, I counted every week as a fraction of the school year. I was not sure I could make it, so I had to think in tenths, and fifths, and halves. For the first couple months, each week was a victory.

In my second year, I still count the weeks, but mainly for planning purposes. Only the big fractions stand out. Today is the end of week 20, the school year is half way done. My biggest obstacle is exhaustion. I like teaching but it makes me tired. This week I realized that’s the one thing left that makes me question how long I can last.

It’s not like sitting in a cube and writing economic analysis all day, (which I did for almost three years). It’s standing on my feet, raising my voice, putting on a show, quickly responding to a million little cues all day long. The first week of school my body ached, my throat hurt, I went home each day and took a nap. Even now, by Friday afternoon, I’m drained.

However, the difference between a year ago and today is my heart. A year ago was about survival. Today is about love. I love my kids. I know they’re not mine. But I still love them. A year ago I was just getting to know them. I am so grateful for two years together. Even the most irritating behaviors often end in smiles now. I know which buttons to push, which tricks to use to make their anger dissolve into laughter.

This morning I woke up and realized I am three fourths done being their teacher. Fifth grade teachers think in fractions. The separation is already beginning. Their fifth grade, hormonal selves are becoming more social, less attached to me. Today we all ate lunch in the classroom to celebrate our academic success and instead of huddling around me like they did a year ago, they sat in little groups and ate. Occasionally one would stop by and chat, then move on.

I didn’t mind, though. I’m excited for what comes next, for them and me. I’m excited to see whether the next batch feels the same or different. Today I wrote in their morning message that we are half way done with fifth grade. I told them I will cry when I have to say goodbye, because I care. I made a few cry prematurely with that statement. Teaching is definitely about heart. Now if only I could figure out how to keep it from making me so darn tired.

Only fitting that we're studying the heart this week.

Only fitting that we’re studying the heart this week.

 

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Oct 11 2012
8 Comments
Family, Life, Travel

Thankfulness Thursday: Unconditional Love

Autumn sunbeams and floating spider webs above a crystal clear alpine lake,

Warmth and family.

Mom, brother, and one dirty, happy dog.

Driving north on 1-5 Tuesday morning, alone, save for Simon buckled up in the backseat, tears streamed down my face. Headed to visit my mom, who lives three and a half hours away, four words rang true in my head:

I need my mom.

I rarely think those words. I love my mom, yes, but at 29, I rarely think I need her. Realizing these words are still true, I was overtaken by emotion. I need my mom. Words so true tears had to follow.

Separated by time and space, I often forget I need her. We talk less than we should, weekly phone calls stretching into 10 days, 11, 12, sometimes 14. We see each other maybe four times a year. Important visits, but I forget I still need her.

I need that woman who cuts fresh flowers each time I visit, bakes me pies and rubs my head. The woman who plays Scrabble with me and still offers to brush my hair. The very woman who used to call me her baby and carry me around in her arms. Driving alone, I realized I need my mom.

Today I am thankful for a few days in Mt. Shasta, the sun still warm, my mom, my brother, and my dog. Sitting around playing games late into the night. My brother showing me his project with the earth, the cob home he is building, the greenhouse with its foundation, the desk and pile of books alone in the woods. Reminding me of the meaning of unconditional love.

Driving south on I-5 today, rain dotting my dusty windshield, soulful music playing loudly, instead of crying, I smiled and sang at the top of my lungs. Time well spent, reinvigorated, alive. I am thankful for family, our roots strong and connected like trees, unconditional.

***

Join in for Thankfulness Thursday and link up your post with Ashley at Domestic Fashionista!

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Aug 30 2012
9 Comments
Family, Life, Teaching

Love is Truth

There is this one little girl in my class who writes me notes and draws me pictures almost daily. Last week, she drew a picture of me, Mr. M., and our son. I am neither pregnant nor have I ever indicated any desire for children to my students. Still, she drew our son and labeled him, your son, the king. I walked away thinking, does she know something I don’t?

Today’s picture left me equally unsettled. It was a picture of me with the words Love is Truth printed across my body.  Randomly deep words that clung to me for the rest of the day. Up until last week, her drawings never had these messages. They were always of the simpler You’re-the-best-teacher-ever variety. Now they’re cryptic, little fortunes hidden in brightly colored scenery.

Chances are, these words are just an expression of her affection. But to me, they’re oddly wise and prophetic. Love is truth. When I first read this, I smiled, caught off guard by her wisdom. Sometimes, in the middle of everything, distracted by the bustle of a thousand little unimportant things, unexpectedly deep words carry more weight.

Thank you, child. Love is truth, I agree. And, if I have a son first, I’ll think you’re able to see things I cannot.  Or, then again, maybe you have just been paying more attention than usual at Sunday school and are confusing me for the Virgin Mary.  Either way, your messages give me something to think about.

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Aug 20 2012
1 Comment
Life, Style

Old Friends, Love & Weddings

On my birthday, a big package awaited me on my doorstep.  Tearing it open, I thought wow, my friend Erin knows how to send a birthday card.  Then, as I unwrapped the super light box, I realized it was instead an invitation to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.  Pretty much the cutest bridesmaid invitation I had ever seen!  She sent an adorable, personalized hanger to hang our bridesmaid dresses, complete with a little tag reading, “Will you please hang with me on my wedding day?”

Cute.

Weddings seem to come in cycles and Alex and I are currently on an upswing.  The last was 2009, the year we were married and attended five weddings.  In two weeks, Alex’s friend will be married and I will attend another friend’s bridal shower.  This sweet, childhood friend that sent the bridesmaid invitation will not be married until next fall and I cannot wait.

I love weddings.

The year I planned ours, I woke up excited every morning for what lay ahead.  Now, I’m excited to accompany another friend on this journey.  She and I first met in elementary school and bonded over our quirky shyness as middle schoolers.  We liked the same boys, stayed up late giggling uncontrollably, and developed code names for everything.  Even though years kept us apart as we got older, we always easily reconnected when life brought us back together.

Tonight I’m feeling grateful for old friends, love, and weddings.

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Feb 15 2012
1 Comment
Home, Life, Teaching

Valentine’s Day Confession

It’s official, I’m out of the closet, I love Valentine’s Day!

I used to force myself not to like it.  I reasoned that it made people that I love feel lonely, so I wanted to support them by not liking it.  I also scoffed at how arbitrary the date was– complaining how it was a capitalistic excuse for more materialism.  Last year, I went so far as to tell Alex that I did not want presents and that I did not care if he had the closing shift at work, (I thought that I was being generous to his coworkers that actually wanted the time to celebrate!).

Today, however, I realized that I do like Valentine’s Day, even if there are aspects of it that still annoy me, (like all of the horny men wandering around looking for flowers at the grocery store!).  Despite the annoyances, it no longer bothers me that it is a day that we made up.  So what– aren’t all holidays days that we made up on some level or another?  Maybe this one is more recent, but I do not see anything wrong with a day based on love.  After all, isn’t love critical to our happiness as human beings?

I’m not saying romantic love… Although, that kind of love is nice too.  I’m just saying love.  As an adult, I’m finding that Valentine’s Day is a day that I tell my friends, students, and family that I love them.  I don’t tell them with expensive gifts, but with little gestures: a cut out heart with kind words, a card, a text, a phone call.  In fact, it turns out that Valentine’s Day results in the greatest outpouring of token gifts and sweet little cards from my students of any holiday.  I have a veritable mountain of candy and cards that make me feel appreciated!  What’s so wrong with expressing our love this way?

In truth, I witnessed many little acts of love that made me happy to be alive today:  A coworker’s husband marching across campus with a gigantic bouquet of roses, (to the sheer excitement of the 120 students watching at recess!).  A student excited to deliver her one special hand-crafted valentine to a boy that she likes, (reminded me of the valentine that Alex made me in fourth grade!).  My students treasuring the little valentines that I made them.  My dad unexpectedly delivering a valentine to my school, complete with a generous donation for our upcoming field trip.  Incredibly kind words of support emailed from my mom.  A woman taking the time to pull into the grocery store parking lot just to cuss me out for changing lanes at the same time as she did, (okay, that happened, and it made me laugh, but maybe it doesn’t belong on this list!).

Even though I’m looking forward to seeing my husband tonight, it has been the acts of love from other people that have brightened my day so far.  I’m sure he’ll make me smile too, when he gets home from work, but I’m realizing that Valentine’s Day is far more than a romantic holiday based on excessive consumerism.  It’s a chance to tell people that they matter to you.  If you’re feeling sad or lonely tonight, you’re entitled to dislike this holiday, I don’t blame you, but also consider reaching out to the people that you love.  It will make them smile, and chances are, it will make you smile too!

The valentines that I made for my students.  It is amazing how a few kind words so clearly brighten their day!

Simon going nuts on one of my gifts from a student… oops!

You’ll be happy to know that the bear survived!  Happy Valentine’s Day!
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Sep 14 2011
1 Comment
Life

Choice

I did not choose to be straight.


Every time I hear someone say that being gay is a choice, I laugh.  I cannot help but then imagine whether the person that is saying this decided to be straight.  Did they sit there and consciously decide who to be sexually attracted to?  Are they admitting that they could be gay if they did not decide to be straight?


Put yourself in the reverse shoes.  Can you imagine forcing yourself to be gay just to fit in?  I can’t.  I’d “choose” to love Alex anyway, even if meant I had to become a pariah in some circles.


***


This morning I began my day by perusing the New York Times on my phone.  I’ve found that this tactic is far more effective than the snooze button because it forces my brain to wake up and gives me something to look forward to… Yes, I am a nerd.  Yes, I also look at Facebook, which is why you may get 5:55 AM messages from me.


Back to the subject at hand, I woke up to an article on gay students being bullied and committing suicide in Minnesota.  The school district has a policy that teachers “shall remain neutral on matters regarding sexual orientation” that has resulted in many teachers ignoring or mishandling the bullying of gay students.  Apparently, it is difficult to address the bullying of gay students without also sending a message that gay students, and thus being gay, should be accepted.


I find this appalling.  As a country, we have more-or-less figured out how to accept different religious beliefs, but many of us still refuse to accept different sexual orientations to the point that young people are killing themselves as not to have to go to school.  At my own high school growing up, I remember being filled with anger as I listened to the football players harass two boys in my PE class, ruthlessly calling them fags, among other things.  If I only knew then what I know now.  If I only had the courage then that I have now.


Even though I clearly believe that being gay is not a choice, (nor something to be ashamed of), I do not understand why acceptance of homosexuality in schools is interpreted to be the same thing as endorsement.  I also do not understand how those teachers could interpret the district policy as a directive to underplay the bullying of gay students.  As a teacher, I understand that sometimes bullying is difficult to pinpoint, especially since there is always more to the story than shared.  However, acceptance of all students is non-negotiable for me.  I do not understand how, regardless of core beliefs, it could be negotiable for anyone else.


My heart goes out to all of the students in this article and all of the people in this world that get mistreated for being themselves.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/13/us/13bully.html
Side note: Not exactly sure what’s up with the spacing of this post…  
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