Sometimes I Say Too Much But Not Enough

If you are a regular reader, you may notice the last two posts disappeared.  This was intentional. Something about those last posts did not sit well with me, too exposed for the good of my current commitments.  Rest assured, I may someday be more candid, but for now my first loyalty is to my students.  It is far too easy when feeling overwhelmed or emotional to lay pieces of myself out for all to see– but when I cannot fully express myself because they are not pieces that should yet be shared, I have to remind myself to wait.  Better to be in a place where I can type openly, than one where I have to censor myself while dancing on a very delicate line that affects real people that I care about.

Those last couple posts, I danced rather unsuccessfully.  The writer in me wanted to expose myself, to create words that are true and meaningful, while the teacher knew my obligation was first to my students.  The result was writing that was neither entirely truthful to my feelings nor as lovingly supportive of my role as a teacher as I would like.  So, for now, limited words on any related frustrations, and an effort for more openness in areas that don’t connect to these loyalties.

If you write, do you find yourself balancing your obligations to different worlds with your desire to write openly?  Which side wins for you?  At what cost?

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7 thoughts on “Sometimes I Say Too Much But Not Enough

  1. kingmidget says:

    When it comes to my blog, I am constantly pulled back from the things I really want to say. There is a lot of turmoil in my life these days — at work and at home. But, I have co-workers who read my blog and, ever so rarely family that does as well. As a result, there are issues I’m dealing with that I’d love to get out there, but I can’t. Not in an honest and open way. As a result, those issues remain inside or within conversations with close friends. My first few blogging attempts went nowhere, primarily because nobody read them and part of blogging is to have readers. Back then, my rare posts could be about everything! Now that I have a blog people are reading, I sometimes wish I could go back to the non-reader days.
    Additionally, mostly unintentionally, you can see some the issues in my fiction. I write stories and then go back later and read them and say “ah-ha, you are still writing about your personal unhappiness. Stop it.”

    • oliviaobryon says:

      That’s really interesting, thanks for sharing. Glad to know I’m not alone. I wish I could write more openly. Even when I try to write openly, I hold myself back, which isn’t so great either. Maybe someday, if I can ever figure out how to be a paid writer. Dreams are important 😉

  2. Seb says:

    You need a nom be plume to publish under. that way it can be what you say but not you saying it.

  3. I’ve often written a post and left it hanging in the draft pile. I may go back later and clean it up; take out the overly personal stuff. Other times it gets deleted. I try to keep truly personal feelings for my eyes only (meaning my journal.)

    • oliviaobryon says:

      Yes, I think that’s a good rule with the journals, but sometimes easier said than done! I’m starting to let things sit a little more before posting, that definitely helps!

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