If you are a regular reader, you may notice the last two posts disappeared. This was intentional. Something about those last posts did not sit well with me, too exposed for the good of my current commitments. Rest assured, I may someday be more candid, but for now my first loyalty is to my students. It is far too easy when feeling overwhelmed or emotional to lay pieces of myself out for all to see– but when I cannot fully express myself because they are not pieces that should yet be shared, I have to remind myself to wait. Better to be in a place where I can type openly, than one where I have to censor myself while dancing on a very delicate line that affects real people that I care about.
Those last couple posts, I danced rather unsuccessfully. The writer in me wanted to expose myself, to create words that are true and meaningful, while the teacher knew my obligation was first to my students. The result was writing that was neither entirely truthful to my feelings nor as lovingly supportive of my role as a teacher as I would like. So, for now, limited words on any related frustrations, and an effort for more openness in areas that don’t connect to these loyalties.
If you write, do you find yourself balancing your obligations to different worlds with your desire to write openly? Which side wins for you? At what cost?