Author Archives: olivia

Nov 29 2012
7 Comments
Family, Health, Home, Life, Teaching, Writing

Becoming vs. Being

This evening after work, I sat on my kitchen counter and ate cranberry bread. It’s one of my bad habits. The counter, not the bread. While I ate my snack like a small child, two things caught my attention.

First, this note on my fridge. I wrote it a month or so ago in one of my more frustrated moments. Today, it made me realize that I am always trying to become something else. First I was a college kid wanting to become an adult, then an analyst hoping to become a teacher, and now a teacher wishing to become a novelist. It hit me, when I am I ever just going to be?

That’s when my eyes were drawn to my bookshelf that is messily filled with too many things. All those eclectic books and pictures are my life. Each title and each smiling face a different part of me. Another metaphor staring me in the face. A life that is already enough if I stop to pay attention.

Maybe bookshelves are the real windows to the soul…

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to stop working toward that goal on the fridge, but I also need to recognize that even if I already were a full-time novelist, there would always be something else to become. If we don’t stop to be, life will pass us by…

Lately I have slowed things down, which means a more gradual approach to this becoming business. In some ways, this is hard because it feels like I am accomplishing a lot less. In others, it is allowing me to be the more balanced person I have already worked so hard to become.

Are you good at being? Tonight I am collecting secrets.

Tagged , ,
Nov 26 2012
6 Comments
Life, Pets, Teaching, Writing

I should be… But I’m not.

I should be working on NaNoWriMo, but instead I’m blogging. I think I might be a blog addict. There is something about the instant gratification of an audience. Plus, blogging allows me to write about the here and now, instead of the somewhere made up in my brain. Not that that place isn’t fun…

At least my students kicked some NaNoWriMo butt this year– read their stories this afternoon, amazing. Many of them wrote thousands of words. Talking dogs, romantic rendezvous, magical kingdoms…

So, here I am, typing away. I have only written half of what I wrote last year for NaNoWriMo. If I spent the time I worked on my blog writing that story, I would probably have at least double the words, if not more. But, it’s hard not to start here when I write each night. It’s like my warm-up space… Except now that I am only giving myself an hour each night to write, I don’t know how I am going to do both. My husband suggested scheduled blog nights, but I’m not sure I work like that. When I want to write, I want to write.

How do you balance your blogging versus other creative work? Do you start here, like I do? Or do you force yourself away?

Look at that, a fifteen minute post. I may actually have time for some other writing yet! Okay, I lied, now that I’ve reread it all and added pictures more like twenty-five minutes… Really leaving this time… I hope…

The upside of less writing time, I stuck to my yoga/spiritual practice goal this evening, (even though it ended up taking me almost two hours). And, here’s some proof yoga cat was not just a one-week aberration. In fact, she’s still in there right now. Didn’t take the hint when I rolled up the mat on top of her…

Tagged , , ,
Nov 25 2012
6 Comments
Health, Life

Sunday Song: Pain vs. Discomfort

Today my focus is on the difference between pain and discomfort. In yoga, most instructors will remind you that discomfort is a place to grow, pain is a place to stop. When we experience true pain, our bodies are telling us something needs to change. Discomfort, on the other hand, provides opportunities for us to become stronger as we explore this space. I have probably heard this at least a hundred times, but only this weekend has it started to make sense.

About two months ago I embarked on a journey to heal myself naturally. There is nothing horribly wrong with me, just a “condition” that results in what I have always considered to be reoccurring pain. The only thing doctors could offer me were pain killers, so, as soon as the discomfort began, I would medicate as not to disrupt my normal routines and to save myself from what I considered to be suffering.

What I discovered as I began my natural treatment was that true healing is hard work. I now understand why many people give up on natural remedies as the healing takes weeks, months, maybe even years of consistent effort. In addition to changing my diet, taking various flower essences, and drinking herbal teas, I have had to spend 30+ minutes a day, most days of the week, applying castor oil packs. Setting aside this time has been hard work. It has also been an extreme blessing because it has forced me to slow down my busy evenings.

Fast forward to today. As the familiar discomfort set into my body, I braced myself for pain. Last time, I refused pain killers, intent to fully feel what it was like before doing all the hard work to heal myself. This time, it is already different. I am uncomfortable, yes, but so far I have not experienced any real pain. Even if I soon eat my words, I will feel like I have made progress because I have created a space to grow within the discomfort. I have also come to recognize the difference between discomfort and pain, an amazingly powerful distinction in the mind.

I leave you with a Sunday Song about pain. Maybe not exactly the same kind of pain I wrote about, but a powerful song and a challenge presented by a family member to include in today’s blog entry. Ironically, it rather fits even though I forgot about the challenge until the end of this post. Love it when everything comes together, even imperfectly.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,
Nov 25 2012
2 Comments
Teaching

teach your children well

I could not say it better myself.

Erin J. Lavelle's avatarwelcome to grace.

Not too long ago, a student I have taught for three out his almost-four-year high school career said to me, “Ms. Lavelle, didn’t you have higher aspirations than becoming a teacher?”

I put down the papers I had been collecting and looked at him.  I couldn’t find the words.  It wasn’t that I couldn’t answer the question.  It was that I couldn’t believe he had asked it.  It was clear to me that he thought of me as a disappointment, as someone who had, somehow, fallen short.

It’s true:  I never intended to be a high school teacher, perhaps because I saw how tirelessly my mother had worked.  And, in certain social circles, when I’m asked what I do, I respond with, “I’m just a teacher.”  Because somehow, in our great history, we decided that teaching is a profession that doesn’t warrant the same respect as other professions.  I think the motto goes something like this:  He who…

View original post 869 more words

Nov 24 2012
11 Comments
Health, Home, Life, Pets

Yoga Cat & Other Obstacles

Despite my best intentions, life has felt challenging lately. Even home yoga. I would like to introduce you to yoga cat. She is nothing like yoga dog, who stops by, stretches, wags his tail, and then moves on. Yoga cat likes to be in the way, the entire time. Every day since I decided to take my home yoga practice more seriously, she has been on my mat from start to finish. I have done locust poses at odd angles, tree balanced precariously over an outstretched cat, warrior with my hand a dangling invitation for her to take a good swat, and seated meditation with a purring ball of fur pressed against my legs.

Like many obstacles, she is part joyous distraction, part menace.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Why not just move her? But, that’s the thing. First, she’s not an easy creature to move. My husband and I joke that she’s half ferrel. She does what she pleases unless you’re willing to risk an altercation. Second, I have tried to view her as an added challenge to clearing my mind and focusing inward. If I work hard enough, I can tune her out, even if every once in awhile I receive an unexpected slap of her paw or have to move some of my poses to the carpet.

Luna is perfectly in the way.

I actually think yoga cat is a good metaphor for life. Anything worth doing is going to have obstacles. You can either put in the work anyway or switch your attention elsewhere. I am pretty sure if I pulled out a different mat she would just follow me to a new location. I have to remind myself this as I push through obstacles in other parts of my life. Even if I switched directions, there would be something else. Thankfully, meditation, yoga, blogging, reading all help. And, doing yoga over a cat might just be part of the fun.

Tagged , , , , ,
Nov 23 2012
4 Comments
Family, Health, Home, Life

GMOs are everywhere, do you care?

In some ways, I’m sure my blog screams hippie. However, there are a lot of influences on me and I, like you, am a lot of things. I begin this way because I want you to give what I am saying a chance, no matter what your background.

Recently, I watched the film Genetic Roulette about the possible effects of GMOs on our bodies. Like any good skeptic, I am not willing to attribute every health problem we face to the increased GMOs in our diet, even if both rise side-by-side on a graph. Likewise, I have seen plenty of indie documentaries that have not convinced me of anything. However, there are points in this film that intuitively ring true, such as the idea that we should not be eating plants engineered to kill bugs, whose seeds cannot be handled without gloves, or that cause serious health issues in animals.

If you have the opportunity to watch the film or research GMOs on your own, I encourage you to do so. I was admittedly resistant to learning about GMOs because I figured I ate well enough already, but I have changed my tune. I share because I care.

Tagged , , ,
Nov 22 2012
4 Comments
Dogs, Family, Home, Life

Thankfulness Thursday: Thanksgiving

On this, the final Thankfulness Thursday, I decided to share my gratitude for the very day of Thanksgiving itself. While my mother’s family honors our Native American heritage, we do not boycott the day. Instead, we make it our own, embracing the positive aspects of giving thanks and coming together as a family to enjoy a meal and honor abundance. We celebrated on Tuesday, sharing a feast of GMO-free, organic food in Mt. Shasta, toasting Bodhichitta and watching the rain fall all day on a blanket of orange leaves.

Today I am grateful for two Thanksgivings, one in Mt. Shasta, one in Sacramento. Two families that are really one because they are both mine. Food, laughter, love. I am grateful. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

A happy, rainy Thanksgiving.

Full of many reminders for love and peace…

As well as the obligatory post-Turkey hangover.

Tagged , , , , ,
Nov 21 2012
14 Comments
Health, Life, Teaching

My New Experiment: Develop a Spiritual Practice

In the past few months, one question has resurfaced again and again. How can I sustain my current responsibilities without burning out? There are moments when I am able to transcend stress and remain amazingly calm. Then, there are other moments, when I cannot help but absorb the energy around me. Those days, I go home searching for peace. The answer I keep receiving, develop a spiritual practice to move into a more consistently balanced space.

Now, I get that the word spiritual can be a big turnoff for many. It is hard to separate the word from religious traditions that may not be our own. But, whether you’re agnostic, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, or even atheist, creating a spiritual practice can be beneficial and does not have to be about one path to God. Instead, it is about quieting the mind and connecting with what is important. This in itself is not new. I just did not know where to start, until I found two books at my mom’s house this week.

The first, Mindfulness Yoga inspired me to connect my yoga practice with Eastern philosophy and meditation. The second, The Spiritual Activist, focuses on helping activists of all faiths, including teachers, establish spiritual practices to sustain their social work. While Mindfulness Yoga is great for establishing home yoga routines and understanding the philosophical background of meditation, it is dense material. The Spiritual Activist, on the other hand, makes it easy to form a plan of action. Together they make an inspiring duo. Exactly what I was seeking.

My new plan, create a daily spiritual practice that interchanges yoga, meditation, walking, and reading. Even though I already do these things, the goal is to set aside a regular time each day to quiet my mind. At first I considered waking up earlier, but I read it is better not to alter your normal wake/sleep patterns because you are less likely to succeed in establishing new habits when your sleep cycle is changed. So, instead, I plan to begin each evening with silence and spiritual practice when I get home from work.

I know this will be a big experiment, especially since I have never meditated regularly, but I hope to monitor my progress and share whether or not it makes a difference in my stress levels, particularly in the most challenging moments while I teach. I do not expect it to work instant miracles, but I also am hopeful that it will help me access the calm that already exists inside me.

I leave you with one piece of wisdom, known as Bodhichitta. In order to achieve true good for ourselves, we must aim to achieve good for all beings. This is a big part of my calling as a teacher. I teach not only to fulfill myself, but also to make the lives of my students better, which in turn improves our community. So, what I do to make myself a more balanced teacher, I do not just for me, but for my students, and all beings.

If you’re open to sharing, do you have a daily spiritual practice? If so, what does it consist of for you? How has it benefited your life?

Tagged , , , ,
Nov 19 2012
11 Comments
Life, Style

Why I Love Audrey Hepburn

I have loved Audrey Hepburn since I was a little girl, before it was trendy to put her face on everything from coffee mugs to t-shirts. Growing up, she made me want to be an actress. There was something so gracefully beautiful about her. She floated across the screen, turning up in Rome, New York, London. I wanted to talk like her, to move like her, to dance through the streets of the world like her. She played intelligent, independent women. She talked back. She had charisma.

I think part of what drew me to her as a child was that she reminded me of my mother and grandmother. (Photo credit: Audrey Hepburn: A Life in Pictures)

My grandmother around the same era. I wish I had a picture of my mom to share, she looked even more like her.

Of course, those characters I fell in love with were not actually her, but something about the way she played those women made me believe she was all those things in real life too. Over the years, friends and family have given me all kinds of Audrey Hepburn books and memorabilia. In the accounts of her real life, she was everything I admired as a girl. She was also many of the things I admire as an adult. She aged gracefully. She did not disappear just because she got older. She gave the later part of her life to UNICEF to help disadvantaged children.

“For me, the only things of interest are those linked to the heart.” -Audrey Hepburn (Photo Credit: The Audrey Hepburn Treasures.)

Audrey aged beautifully, living out her passion for helping others. (Photo credit: Audrey Hepburn: A Life in Pictures)

Photo credit: Audrey Hepburn: A Life in Pictures

My celebrity crush is and always will be Audrey Hepburn. She is the one famous person I would want to meet for brunch. We would laugh and talk and she would call me darling and people would think we were related. I’d leave feeling glamorous and ready to tackle the world. Audrey inspires me to put on some skinny jeans, dance theatrically around my living room, buy a dog basket for my bike, and travel to every corner of the earth for pleasure and for charity.

Now, it’s your turn. Who is your celebrity crush? Or, if you don’t have one, what famous person would you want to meet for brunch?

“Sex appeal is something you feel deep inside. I can convey as much fully clothed, picking apples off a tree as standing in the rain.” -Audrey Hepburn (Credit: A Life in Pictures)

Tagged , , , ,
Nov 18 2012
2 Comments
Life

Election Demographics

The data nerd in me is still alive. Raises some good questions about what the Republican Party needs to do to regain its footing and shows respect for both sides. Worth a look.

Kalen Kimm's avatarkalenkimm

2012 election results demographic: In depth analysis of the demographics of the 2012 Presidential election by State including education, income, and religious views such as same sex marriage.

Update 6/3/2013

Interesting information released by the College Republican National Committee #CRNC today in a 95 page report. http://images.skem1.com/client_id_32089/Grand_Old_Party_for_a_Brand_New_Generation.pdf

Seems like they are starting to recognize the issues with mixing religion and politics. Not sure I like the idea of just spinning their message to hide the underlying problems.

Original Post 11/18/2012

Taking a short break from my normal topics of food and travel, I have been thinking quite a bit lately about the recent election and the polarization surrounding it. Maybe it has always been this way, but to me it seems like this past election was a particularly divided one. Even in my own little microcosm, I have been surprised at how passionate friends from opposing views have become. “Passionate” in italics because it…

View original post 1,780 more words

Tagged , , , ,
Nov 17 2012
12 Comments
Family, Life, Teaching, Writing

Patience is a difficult lesson

I remember hearing once that we are presented with the same lesson over and over until we really get it. If this is true, my current lesson is definitely related to patience and progress. Maybe that’s what I get for questioning the old saying, patience is a virtue. I still stand by the idea that sometimes it’s good not to be patient. However, this season of my life seems to be all about patience. Patience with my writing, patience with my teaching, patience with myself.

My love for writing has not waned, but my belief in myself wavers all the time. The description of my book is an eternal work in progress. I tweak a little here, a little there, a little better throughout time, but still not what it needs to be. Expecting Happiness also deserves a revisit with what I have learned in the past couple months. Naga (my NaNoWriMo project) was off to a good start but now I’m questioning whether my foray into fantasy was just that, a temporary adventure. I get that every word is progress, it just feels unbearably slow sometimes.

Teaching. Is. Hard. I was telling Alex last night that I feel like a big part of my job is improv. Sure I plan my lessons, but when it comes down to it, no script is ever going to work. Real life is messy. Kids are messy. Their ingenious questions redirect my plans all the time. Yes I’m getting better, but teaching is not something you just work hard at and then are instantly great. In fact, it was the first thing in my life where the correlation between hard work and success wasn’t immediate. Then you add in a pilot teacher evaluation system where I am graded on rubric after rubric and I start to feel a little less than stellar. I know it will pay off, but the progress is much slower than I’d like.

Me. Patience with myself is harder to define here, open to the world. There are just certain aspects of my life that I expected to be different by 30. No, 30 isn’t here, but it feels like it’s knocking on my door.

The lesson in all of this, progress takes time, little by little, bit by bit, day by day, hour by hour… The important part is continuing to put in the work that will eventually get me wherever it is I am headed. But here’s the best part. Thanks to this blog, I don’t feel alone in this. From my heart, I appreciate each and every one of you that is accompanying me on this sometimes slow journey, from friends and family in real life to friends on the other side of a computer screen. Thank you.

Tagged , , , , ,
Nov 15 2012
15 Comments
Family, Health, Home, Life, Teaching, Travel, Writing

Thankfulness Thursday: Abundance

It’s pretty easy by Thursday evening to feel more than drained. A bit of gratitude goes a long way. This week, I’m grateful for abundance. Another blogger recently wrote about how we must acknowledge the abundance in our lives in order to create more… And, I have to admit, it is pretty humbling to stop and realize how much abundance most of us already have.

Tuesday, when I was home sick, I spent the better part of the morning digging through the past year of pictures to decide what to put on our holiday card, (yes, even when I’m sick I feel the need to cross something off my to-do list). As the last 12 months rolled by, I was struck by how even during years of fiscal conservatism my life is full of so many fortunate, happy moments.

Sure it would be nice to have that money to fly to Sweden to visit my cousin or to feel more economically secure or to… The list goes on, but really none of those things would change the fact that my life is already full. I worried that giving up a third of my income to become a teacher would create a life that felt less abundant, but that could not be further from the case. I now have more time to enjoy abundance as well as a completely different definition of the word.

Tonight I am grateful for the abundance in my life: my family, friends, dog, cat, house, job, coworkers, students, food, yoga, travel, writing, love… My life is incredibly full, especially when I take the time to stop and look. If you haven’t flipped through your 2012 pictures lately, you should. Talk about life compressed into a few captured moments. Abundance, abundance, abundance.

I’ll leave you with a few of my favorite moments from this year. It was hard to pick.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Tagged ,
← Older posts
Newer posts →