Author Archives: olivia

Bring Back Family Dinners!

Lately, I have noticed a trend in family dining. The mom and dad talk with the adults or each other, the kids sit at the far end of the table and watch something on an iPad to keep quiet. I get why this would sometimes be tempting, especially if you’re meeting up with other adults you do not often see, or you need a few quiet minutes with your honey, but it worries me that many kids are being removed from family dialogue.

In my family, we ate dinner together at the table every night. When we went to restaurants as a family, it was a special treat and everyone was involved in the conversation. The few times I sat too far away from everyone else, I felt sad. I still have a memory of one huge family dinner, where I was the odd little girl out, staring at the piñatas, disconnected and sulking.

To this day, even in my childless family of two, we sit at the table and talk. The couch is not for food, it’s for zoning out. On the rare night where we don’t make it to the table together because of conflicting schedules, everything feels off. We didn’t have our time to catch up and tell our daily stories, our thirty minutes together to slow down time and not focus on anything else.

Even in my much bigger family, we gather around the table together every Sunday night, a reincarnation of my dad’s family’s Thursday night dinners from another era. The participants may vary from week to week, depending on who is in town and what is going on, but it happens, without fail, every Sunday night, and Alex and I are always sure to be there.

Family dinner in action.

Family dinner in action.

I do not claim that family dinners are the secret to being the perfect family. No such family exists. Likewise, I am sure I will also keep an iPad in my purse someday, just in case I need a few minutes of quiet. However, I contend that family dinners are worth the sacrifice of figuring out a way to get everyone together, children and adults alike.

What does family dinner look like for you? Does it happen all the time? Sometimes? Never? I won’t pretend to know what other people need, I just have a soft spot for family and tradition.

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This post was inspired by a cool info graphic over at Full on Fit. Did you know that teenagers who eat dinner with their families regularly are much more emotionally healthy? Makes sense to me!

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Week 23: Bittersweet Hello

This afternoon, as I cleaned up the carnage of my back table, the office called my room through the intercom. Two boys were there to see me. My brain stalled for a minute. I asked for their names to be repeated through the crackly speaker. The second time I heard loud and clear. One of my students from last year was back to say hello.

My heart skipped a beat.

I keep my kids for two years and he disappeared over summer, rumored to have moved to the South, Alabama, or Georgia, or somewhere. In a room full of rowdy boys, he was a leader, calm, well-spoken, polite. Whenever he was in trouble, he would apologize kindly, usually ending his statement by calling me ma’am. His test scores were among the highest in the school.

Today he showed up in my room, a shy smile, a sideways hug. His eyes traced the walls of our classroom, the desks new, everything else so very much the same. I told him we missed him. I told him we would bring in a 31st desk just for him. And, I meant it. I don’t want 31 students, but I would if the 31st was this kid. His eyes filled up with tears as we talked. Not a single one spilled down his cheek, but they were there, ready to pour out.

When he left, I cried. Another teacher was in my room. She teared up with me. He never moved to Georgia, or Alabama, or the like. He still lives in Sacramento, just too far to make it to our school. A lot of students travel a distance to reach our doors. For some families, it ends up being too much. I understand, but my heart still breaks. His eyes told me his did too.

About twenty minutes after he left, I wandered back into the hallways to see if I could catch him again. With many brothers, I thought maybe they’d still be in someone else’s classroom. I found them in the hallway, his mom and siblings headed my direction. I asked him if he wanted us to write him. He smiled wide. I wrote down his address. His mom promised he’d write back.

I know I will say good-bye to every kid I teach, but some disappear without a word. I’ve had students return to Mexico overnight, or so the stories go. At the beginning of the school year, I was certain this student would be back. I told the other teachers not to worry, that I had talked to their mom, that she had said they’d be there. Eventually I gave up. Another student took his spot, the year went on.

His reappearance today was an unexpected gift, so bittersweet. It was nice to say good-bye this time. I wished I could pick up his house and put it across the street from our school. But then I let him go. I reminded myself that I love all my kids, that he opened up a space for someone new, someone that maybe needed it more than he did. That’s the good part. I know deep down that he’ll be fine, whether he misses us or not.

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Meet the Warriors of Knowledge

Warriors of Knowledge

Honorable benevolence strikes again in my classroom. My dear friend’s lovely boyfriend is an animator for Clone Wars and put together a collection of items for my students. As I explained to my principal this morning how I plan to use the items, she remarked that I have an amazing group of friends. Jackets, speaking engagements, now Star Wars goodies direct from the source– I have to agree.

Needless to say, my students were delighted. I made a new daily award to earn the figurines on their desks. Tomorrow three students will bask in the protective glory of solving geometry problems in the shadow of Darth and his friends, (yeah, yeah, I know, bad guys, but whatever, the kids dig it). We named them the Warriors of Knowledge.

I have to say, today was quiet on the behavior front. They’re excited and I’m grateful. Thank you kind people of the universe, (and Don, in particular!).

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Is Twitter an Empty Canyon of Self-Promotion?

Alright, I know there are a number of Twitter diehards out there, maybe you can help me see the light. While I get that Twitter is useful for connecting to strangers, it feels a little like Linked-In on crack to me. One week in and I’m still not sold.

For those of you who love it, how do you quiet all the irrelevant noise? Are you actually “listening” to everyone you follow or do you follow to get followers?

I feel a little like Twitter is a gigantic mob of people screaming into an empty canyon. People with tens of thousands of followers add me because they follow tens of thousands of people to get those tens of thousands of followers. How can they possibly listen to anyone if they’re following that many people? Do they care at all about what others have to say or is it entirely out of self-promotion that they hope to pick up a few more follows under their belt?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind if it’s entirely about self-promotion– that’s why Linked-In exists and Twitter seems like a much easier way to connect and glean insight. I also get that some people use it like a Facebook status update to connect with friends, and I’m glad that exists as a way for people not to make Facebook status updates every 2 minutes. I am just not sure I completely get it yet.

I’m picking up followers, I’m following people, but I’m not convinced anyone is actually listening to each other, (except maybe people who have a lot more time to spend on the computer during the day than someone like me who only uses the internet for an hour or two each night). I like that I have found a sea of literary agents to follow and research, so that, to me, has been the coolest part. Otherwise, I just feel like I’m yelling into a canyon.

Reminds me a little of this scene from Garden State, one of my all-time favorite movies, btw.

Reminds me a little of this scene from Garden State, one of my all-time favorite movies, in case you were wondering.

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All I Really Need…

Is a song in my heart,

Food in my belly,

And love in my family.

Turns out the song I’ve been absent-mindedly singing around the kitchen for years is really a Raffi classic. Did not realize this until it was stuck in my head this morning and I googled it. In case you didn’t know, Raffi is famous for other such gems as “Baby Beluga” and “Banana Phone.”

I’ve decided this is my February Bloggers for Peace challenge: getting this sweetly annoying jingle stuck in everyone’s head. Just try and be angry when you’re singing this all day, (you’re welcome and I’m sorry simultaneously). Warning, clicking play may result in singing this song for the next three decades (or longer), but at least it has a good message, (as opposed to other childhood favorites like “The Song that Never Ends”).

Enjoy!

 

 

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Week 22: Anticipating the Small Moments

This week marked the passing of the 100th day of school. The kindergarten and first grade teachers dressed up as 100 year-old ladies and the students squealed with delight. One student asked the other fifth grade teacher why we don’t dress up too. She responded, “Because we would have to be mean old ladies, not nice ones.”

That kind of sums up what teaching fifth grade feels like sometimes. I have to be stoic else I succumb to laughter over forced farts, sexual innuendo or goodness knows what else. Fifth grade is a constant adventure. Occasionally, I crack. However, it’s in my best interest to remain stern. I get why.

This week I survived some pretty traumatic fifth grade break-ups, (for them, not me), awkward puberty conversations, and the reintroduction of chocolate milk to their school diets, (a point I’m lobbying to change). My crowning achievement was not teaching my students to master adding/subtracting/multiplying/dividing fractions, but rather to hold tree pose. It’s the little things.

Now, I’m home, I’m tired, and I’m ready for a well-deserved weekend. Monday I have my last mini-observation and I’m determined not to spend the next 48 hours over-thinking it. Someone else made an anticipation list for the weekend, and I have to say, this might be my favorite idea of the week. Anticipation slows down time… It also puts value on moments, big or small.

So, here’s my weekend anticipation list:

Yin yoga, (candles, 95 degrees, slow movement, meditation, bliss), no alarm clock, my nephew’s fifth birthday party, SuperBowl Sunday featuring SF (first time I’ve ever slightly cared), family dinner, tradition, query letters, my fluffy dog and Fair Oaks bridge with one of my long-time besties, hot tea, snuggling on the sofa with my honey, quiet. Maybe even a little peace.

I feel more relaxed already.

It's so easy to look forward to the big moments, I'm attempting to learn to anticipate the small ones too...

It’s so easy to look forward to the big moments, it’s refreshing to stop and anticipate the small ones instead…

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Good Riddance January, Hello Video Blog

I envisioned this post as my monthly Bloggers for Peace entry, but I have to admit I’m not feeling very peaceful. January was an intense month. While I kept my cool through the intensity, I’m hoping February will bring a shift in energy.

If I followed astrology, I would be certain some planet was in retrograde or crossing or whatever happens when people act nuttier than usual. The full moon, maybe… Or maybe it’s just January. I’ve heard that more people die in January than any other month. Something about holding it together through the holidays, perhaps?

I get that it is a bit of a let down. Suddenly the festivities are over. The parties are done, everyone goes back to work and their regular lives just as the coldest cold sets in. Last year I was sad to let the holidays finish. This year I didn’t mind. I was ready for 2013. But then January caught me off guard.

Sure it had its good moments. It certainly went by quickly. I’m still in the middle of leaving a note for a different student each morning, my daily act of kindness. The notes have earned me hugs, puzzled looks, smiles. I survived my first clothing-optional hot springs visit, (I remained clothed if you missed the earlier posts). I did yoga nearly every day. That’s probably the best part, hours and hours of yoga. I even taught my students to hold themselves in tree. It’s our peaceful, yoga contest when we need a break.

I’m just glad January is over. All 31 days of it. May February bring a little more daylight and a little less intensity.

And, what the heck– I was going to over-think my first video blog, but instead I give you the real me. Unscripted, after a long day of work… Sorry for the lame sound synching and the lack of focus… I’m already talking myself out of it as I type. Must hit publish before I change my mind, part of my goal to be brave and really put myself out there as a writer this year. Here it goes.

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Unexpected Fame: You’re the Goodest Teacher

Today as I walked my rowdy crew of fifth graders chomping at the bit to become middle-schoolers out for dismissal, a kindergartener in another line turned to me and said, “You’re the goodest teacher.”

I don’t know the child, but a whole lot of children I don’t know know me. I’ll be walking through the hall and receive an excited hello with my name. I’ll be headed to my car in the evening and hear a chorus of, “Good-bye Mrs. M! Good-bye!”

My favorite, though, is out in public. I’ll see a student at the grocery store, still dressed in uniform. He or she will stop in the aisle and stare at me like I could not possibly exist outside the tall black metal gates of our school. One little girl I had never met squealed and ran after her mom. “I JUST SAW MRS. M, FROM SCHOOL!”

Children in cars point at me through windows.

Turns out I’m pretty darn famous within a couple mile radius of my school. Not exactly the fame I hoped for as a child watching the academy awards, but instead something meaningful. A reminder that what I do matters to little people I don’t even know yet. Maybe one day they’ll sit in one of my big kid desks and then I’ll know their names.

Until then, I’m just grateful for a wayward compliment from a child who does not know me but must know I need a little love on a challenging day too.

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Big Dreams: Author Platforms, Twitter & Video Blogs (Oh my!)

Alright, I did it. I signed back up for Twitter. Maybe the third time is the charm? I still don’t completely get it, so if you’re into Twitter, you may have to give me some tips. You can follow me here. I’ll absolutely return the favor. To be perfectly honest, Twitter gives me a bit of anxiety.

I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe it’s the constant stream of 140 character or less messages. Maybe it’s the porn bot followers I always end up with. Maybe it’s the threat of one more online outlet to monopolize my thoughts and time… I have to promise myself it will be a quick afterthought. You know, five minutes a day, not hours drained into the frantic declaration of short thoughts against a puffy, clouded backdrop.

What sucked me back in? The answer is a compounding one. First a fellow blogger swore by it for getting book and agent attention. Second a different fellow blogger wrote me an email to share her success in building a bigger audience. Third I watched this video by Folio Literary Management and best-selling author Brendon Burchard, which swears Twitter is a must for every aspiring author.

Fine.

I’ll give it another shot. But seriously, not sure why my blood pressure increases every time I think about it…

In other, non-Twitter news, that link above is great for anyone who writes books. Got me motivated to push myself out there a little more in this whole platform-building process. I have become a bit complacent in recent months, happy enough with my little blog community, not pushing to expand.

However, I get that if I really want to traditionally publish my work, I need to keep pushing myself out there… So, I’m going to do it. I’m going to keep pushing, without being obnoxious to my core readers, I hope. One other thing the video convinced me to try, videos on my blog.

Yikes.

That’s another one of those things I have resisted because it feels so… I don’t know… Self-centered? Like, look at me! Watch me talk, I have something important to say that needs to be delivered in a video instead of a regular blog! I guess all blogging is at its core somewhat self-centered, so I’m willing to let that go if putting my voice out there helps to build an audience.

So, my lovely, true readers, here are Sunday’s big questions:

1. Do you have any Twitter advice for me? What’s the deal with hashtags? Do I need to put them everywhere, or what?

2. Video blogs… I haven’t caught any of you making them. Why don’t you? Or, alternatively, what in the world should I make a video blog about? I’m giving myself a week to come up with something, since I’ll need natural light to make a decent one and, well, that won’t happen during the week, (like my excuse in delaying this whole jump?!).

Happy Sunday.

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Week 21: A Week of Somedays & Giving

The past two weeks my goal has been simple. Write less, relax more. The result, however, was unexpected. Sure, it was nice to relax, but time actually passed faster, not slower after work. Without my routine of an hour or so of writing each night, time melted together into one big blob each evening. I felt restless and a little less happy. Proof enough I need to write.

In the midst of this whole experiment, life has been full of moments. The detailed death of funky monkey, one of my more imaginative student’s gigantic stuffed animals. The stunned looked on innocent faces after a terrible accident. The child who brought a thermos of coffee to school for his ADHD and sat like a little old man with his Japanese zen cup looking out the window to drink it. Tumultuous political discourse. Plumbing failures and late night communal with nature.

Maybe that’s the plus side of slowing down. More time to notice the details, pleasant and otherwise, that will someday add texture to my writing. More time to laugh at the craziness. I’m just not good at slowing down. I fight it. Time disappears and feels somehow wasted.

At least the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success was part of this downtime. I have it playing on loop in my car. I’m determined I need to hear it more than once. It resonates. It reminded me to live without judgment, (have you tried this? I had to laugh at the irony of watching someone litter out their window as these words played for the second time…).

My favorite principle, however, is about giving. Give to everyone you meet, whether it be a blessing, a compliment, or something material. I don’t know why I love this one so much, but I do. I give to my students everyday and this is one of those things that fuels my being. The idea of consciously giving to everyone I meet is exhilarating. Reminds me of a fellow blogger who blesses all the other cars along the morning commute.

Not sure what I’m giving you today, other than a rambling mess of words about life, but you are giving me a gift by reading them. I’m beginning to realize giving and receiving are really the same thing. Thank you.

On second thought, I know what I’ll give you. My favorite music videos of the morning. The first for its message that home is about people, the second because the kids will make you smile:

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Shameless Plug: Sacramento Real Estate

Okay, so this post really only applies to a small segment of my audience– those of you who live in Sacramento and/or are interested in Sacramento real estate. In my past life, I was an economic analyst who covered Sacramento real estate from the Bay Area, so I know those two qualifiers do not have to be mutually inclusive.

Enough rambling, I’ll get to the point. This post is a shameless plug for my husband’s new Sacramento real estate blog. He’s an agent for RE/MAX Gold and a darn good one at that. He’s now also dabbling in the art of real estate blogging, which is an art, because I had to wade through all kinds of this stuff back in that last lifetime (a few years ago). Some was useful, some was not. I’m happy to report Alex’s blog gets straight to the point, and I like that. I’m clearly not as disciplined…

So, if you’re interested, click and follow away– happy house hunting or market following, whichever it may be!

And, his mascot is pretty darn cute too. Like how I managed to sneak a pic of the dog into this post?

Like how I managed to sneak a pic of the dog into this post?

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Hippie Weekend Getaway: I Think I Tried Too Hard…

Before I left this weekend, I did my best to put myself in a hippie mindset. I dug out my most hippie apparel (think yoga meets the outdoors), downloaded Deepak Chopra’s Seven Spiritual Laws of Success for my drive, gathered healthy snacks (dried organic mango, anyone?), and made a vow to go make-up free (thanks for the inspiration Twenty-Something Travel).

Turns out I may have been overdoing it a bit. As soon as I was out of my car and had a good look around, I realized the clientele of this little hot springs retreat outside wine country was more diverse than I expected. In fact, pretty sure you could picture anyone in your mind and someone similar was there. Young, old, plump, thin, rich, struggling, tattooed, clean-cut, foreign, hippie, otherwise.

I guess when I heard naked, I thought it would be a specific kind of person. But really, people from all walks of life seemed to be alright with it, minus, of course, me. I was one of maybe four people who opted to remain covered. The others were all women, (interesting, right?), of various ages and backgrounds.

I did feel a little bit like the weirdo for keeping on my suit, but there are some things I’d rather keep a mystery. Likewise, I could have done without seeing everyone else’s mysteries, although I totally got that I was on their territory, so if I didn’t like it, I could leave. Regardless, the whole time I found myself wondering where should I be looking… Do I look people in the eyes and nod hello? Do I avert my gaze whenever I cross someone’s path? Is that old woman really talking to me with her legs wide open like that?

Fortunately, the vibe was definitely not sexual. It was more like visiting a different country with alternative norms than my vision of some hedonistic hippie hang out. Signs even reminded people to honor each other’s personal space. I never once felt intruded upon.

Cameras are not allowed... Probably because of the nudity around the pools. I still snuck this one from my favorite reading spot. Those figures in the distance aren't naked people, they're Buddha statues.

Cameras were not allowed… Probably because of the nudity around the pools. I still snuck this picture from my favorite reading spot. Those figures in the distance aren’t naked people, they’re Buddha statues.

Out of my element or not, it was a good adventure. It kind of reminded me of that family resort on Dirty Dancing, complete with activities, a movie theater, a restaurant, and charming, if not slightly rustic accommodations. There was even a community of people who live and work there full-time, not unlike the movie.

While I did get a little restless without my phone, or laptop, I enjoyed the beautiful grounds, mellow vibe, sound of running water, hiking trails, labyrinth, free yoga three times daily, massage, and sunshine warm enough for sunbathing in January. I even allowed my mom to wake me up at 5:30 in the morning to hit the hot springs in the dark, when the pools are practically empty. As I floated on my back and stared up at the stars through a canopy of evergreen trees, I understood the allure of the place. Pure magic, clothing or not.

Even though I had a relaxing time, I would only return again with someone who really wanted to be there. It was not entirely my thing. I don’t love soaking in water shared with naked strangers, no matter how progressive I like to think I am or how wonderful the yoga offerings were. I prefer the ocean and a little technology, I suppose.

The room decorations were cute, although everything felt a little dark/rustic. You definitely wanted to be outside...

The room decorations were cute, although everything felt a little dark/rustic. You definitely wanted to be outside… As for me, I tried a little too hard to fit in… Next time maybe a pair of jeans and a little make-up won’t ruin anything.

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