Tag Archives: Children

Feb 17 2013
6 Comments
Family, Life, Teaching

Week 24: Student-Led Conferences

This week was filled with so many stories I cannot tell. Not just stories from the conferences, but stories from our half days of instruction. It seems many students had a little extra drama in their lives this week. Maybe it was Valentine’s Day, maybe it was just life.

I met 29 families to share data, classwork, progress. We meet four times in two years. This was our fourth, and last. More than anything, I was struck by the difference between the first conference, and this, the final. Only one parent was upset with me, and even that was fleeting. The rest were supportive, grateful, happy. One year, six months gives time for trust, time for change to be observed. Some parents cried in gratitude. My heart was touched.

So often I don’t feel like I’m doing a good enough job. There are so many things to keep track of, so many needs to meet academically, behaviorally, emotionally. Sometimes students show improvement in one area more than others, maybe just behaviorally, maybe just through calmer emotions. Sure, everyone learns, but often it does not feel like enough. I am hard on myself. I want to see growth across the board. I want all my time and energy to pay off exponentially.

It is hard to sit in front of a family and say I did not fix everything, I am not perfect, I tried my best. Of course, I do not actually say any of that, but it feels so obvious that there is always more to be done. This week I realized most families are grateful for what did change, where their child did grow. The tears and smiles and words of gratitude were my proof. This week wore me out, but it also reminded me that what I do really matters, not just to me, or my students, but to their families as well.

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Feb 10 2013
10 Comments
Family, Health, Home, Life

Bring Back Family Dinners!

Lately, I have noticed a trend in family dining. The mom and dad talk with the adults or each other, the kids sit at the far end of the table and watch something on an iPad to keep quiet. I get why this would sometimes be tempting, especially if you’re meeting up with other adults you do not often see, or you need a few quiet minutes with your honey, but it worries me that many kids are being removed from family dialogue.

In my family, we ate dinner together at the table every night. When we went to restaurants as a family, it was a special treat and everyone was involved in the conversation. The few times I sat too far away from everyone else, I felt sad. I still have a memory of one huge family dinner, where I was the odd little girl out, staring at the piñatas, disconnected and sulking.

To this day, even in my childless family of two, we sit at the table and talk. The couch is not for food, it’s for zoning out. On the rare night where we don’t make it to the table together because of conflicting schedules, everything feels off. We didn’t have our time to catch up and tell our daily stories, our thirty minutes together to slow down time and not focus on anything else.

Even in my much bigger family, we gather around the table together every Sunday night, a reincarnation of my dad’s family’s Thursday night dinners from another era. The participants may vary from week to week, depending on who is in town and what is going on, but it happens, without fail, every Sunday night, and Alex and I are always sure to be there.

Family dinner in action.

Family dinner in action.

I do not claim that family dinners are the secret to being the perfect family. No such family exists. Likewise, I am sure I will also keep an iPad in my purse someday, just in case I need a few minutes of quiet. However, I contend that family dinners are worth the sacrifice of figuring out a way to get everyone together, children and adults alike.

What does family dinner look like for you? Does it happen all the time? Sometimes? Never? I won’t pretend to know what other people need, I just have a soft spot for family and tradition.

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This post was inspired by a cool info graphic over at Full on Fit. Did you know that teenagers who eat dinner with their families regularly are much more emotionally healthy? Makes sense to me!

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Feb 07 2013
13 Comments
Family, Life, Teaching

Week 23: Bittersweet Hello

This afternoon, as I cleaned up the carnage of my back table, the office called my room through the intercom. Two boys were there to see me. My brain stalled for a minute. I asked for their names to be repeated through the crackly speaker. The second time I heard loud and clear. One of my students from last year was back to say hello.

My heart skipped a beat.

I keep my kids for two years and he disappeared over summer, rumored to have moved to the South, Alabama, or Georgia, or somewhere. In a room full of rowdy boys, he was a leader, calm, well-spoken, polite. Whenever he was in trouble, he would apologize kindly, usually ending his statement by calling me ma’am. His test scores were among the highest in the school.

Today he showed up in my room, a shy smile, a sideways hug. His eyes traced the walls of our classroom, the desks new, everything else so very much the same. I told him we missed him. I told him we would bring in a 31st desk just for him. And, I meant it. I don’t want 31 students, but I would if the 31st was this kid. His eyes filled up with tears as we talked. Not a single one spilled down his cheek, but they were there, ready to pour out.

When he left, I cried. Another teacher was in my room. She teared up with me. He never moved to Georgia, or Alabama, or the like. He still lives in Sacramento, just too far to make it to our school. A lot of students travel a distance to reach our doors. For some families, it ends up being too much. I understand, but my heart still breaks. His eyes told me his did too.

About twenty minutes after he left, I wandered back into the hallways to see if I could catch him again. With many brothers, I thought maybe they’d still be in someone else’s classroom. I found them in the hallway, his mom and siblings headed my direction. I asked him if he wanted us to write him. He smiled wide. I wrote down his address. His mom promised he’d write back.

I know I will say good-bye to every kid I teach, but some disappear without a word. I’ve had students return to Mexico overnight, or so the stories go. At the beginning of the school year, I was certain this student would be back. I told the other teachers not to worry, that I had talked to their mom, that she had said they’d be there. Eventually I gave up. Another student took his spot, the year went on.

His reappearance today was an unexpected gift, so bittersweet. It was nice to say good-bye this time. I wished I could pick up his house and put it across the street from our school. But then I let him go. I reminded myself that I love all my kids, that he opened up a space for someone new, someone that maybe needed it more than he did. That’s the good part. I know deep down that he’ll be fine, whether he misses us or not.

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Jan 30 2013
8 Comments
Life, Teaching

Unexpected Fame: You’re the Goodest Teacher

Today as I walked my rowdy crew of fifth graders chomping at the bit to become middle-schoolers out for dismissal, a kindergartener in another line turned to me and said, “You’re the goodest teacher.”

I don’t know the child, but a whole lot of children I don’t know know me. I’ll be walking through the hall and receive an excited hello with my name. I’ll be headed to my car in the evening and hear a chorus of, “Good-bye Mrs. M! Good-bye!”

My favorite, though, is out in public. I’ll see a student at the grocery store, still dressed in uniform. He or she will stop in the aisle and stare at me like I could not possibly exist outside the tall black metal gates of our school. One little girl I had never met squealed and ran after her mom. “I JUST SAW MRS. M, FROM SCHOOL!”

Children in cars point at me through windows.

Turns out I’m pretty darn famous within a couple mile radius of my school. Not exactly the fame I hoped for as a child watching the academy awards, but instead something meaningful. A reminder that what I do matters to little people I don’t even know yet. Maybe one day they’ll sit in one of my big kid desks and then I’ll know their names.

Until then, I’m just grateful for a wayward compliment from a child who does not know me but must know I need a little love on a challenging day too.

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Jan 04 2013
12 Comments
Family, Health, Home, Life, Teaching

Don’t Have Children.

That’s what a woman at Costco said to me today. It was one of those lines that stick with you for the rest of the afternoon. Not because I plan to listen to her. Heck, I surround myself with 30 kids five days a week. I like them.

But, I also wonder how it will be different when they are my own. Right now I know 15 pregnant women. Of course, Facebook helps increase this total, but at least 6 of them I see regularly. Babies are everywhere I look. I guess that’s what happens when you’re almost 30. Eventually it will be my turn too, life willing.

This particular woman had two little ones under the age of 3. One in her cart, the other in grandma’s. “Please don’t touch the flowers, please don’t touch the flowers, STOP IT!!!” She lost her cool. As she shouted at the youngest, I realized what I must sound like when I lose my self-control at work. It doesn’t happen often, but occasionally I get really frustrated too. She turned to me, after aisles and aisles of keeping the same pace, and told me not to have children.

I felt for this poor woman. I could tell she was tightly wound and looking for perfection. A lot like me some of the time. I knew exactly what she felt like without even being a mom. I could imagine all the pressure. I could feel her stress in trying to maintain control. I could even see the exhaustion on her face.

I suppose in the beginning most parents have moments where they might say something similar to a perfect stranger, I just like to think I never will. I guess I have to actually have kids first to figure that out. Until then, I’m going to keep working on remaining calm in my classroom. I’m grateful to that woman for the reminder of what it looks like from the outside. I hope she finds some calm this weekend too.

Proof I'm not always rainbows and gingerbread houses either... But, at least I have a sense of humor about it!

Proof I’m not always rainbows and gingerbread houses either… At least I have a sense of humor about it.

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Oct 20 2012
10 Comments
Life, Teaching

Why doesn’t everyone have healthcare?

It started out innocently enough.

My students were gathered for morning meeting at the carpet, ready for the daily announcements. I pulled out a box and explained the school was fundraising Pennies for Patients. Now, to be fully transparent, I’m not even entirely sure the money raised for this drive goes to patients, its name just makes it sound that way. But, before I knew it, our conversation somehow turned into a Q&A on access to healthcare in our country.

“But, Mrs. M, I don’t get it. Why doesn’t everyone have access to medical treatment? That doesn’t seem fair.”

A lot of eager nodding. Many students gave hand signals showing a connection to not having access to medical care. One student, a tough boy with a big heart, told the class about an upcoming surgery he will undergo and how his family is saving money for that. Another student appeared in class the next day with a patch over her eye and insisted on sharing a story of how her doctor refused to treat her the night before because of a conflict between her public and private insurance policies. Emergency care was out of the question.

It’s hard to explain to children why not everyone has access to affordable healthcare. To them, it just does not seem fair. And, I have to say, listening to their stories, I have to agree. Plenty of people will say kids have easy access to medical coverage, but I can tell you it’s not always that simple. We live in a country with a pretty confusing healthcare system.

What I find most surprising, however, is how many people do not see healthcare as a basic human right. I’m sure some of you reading this right now disagree with me. Friends of ours have full-heartedly disagreed with me. It’s just challenging to look into the faces of 30 wonderful human beings and come up with a good reason why any of them should have trouble receiving prompt, affordable, quality healthcare.

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