Tag Archives: Gratitude

Nov 01 2012
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Life, Writing

Thankfulness Thursday: Passion

Tonight I wrote 898 words. 25,000 is my NaNoWriMo goal.

Half as much as everyone else, but that’s okay. Between late afternoon IEP meetings, apple donations, birthdays, weddings, life, that’s about as much as I can handle.

Last year I reached 22,222. Still an accomplishment. The beginning of my first book.

This year something completely different. For now, forget mainstream, commercial fiction, (unless of course you want to pay me for it). This time a novel that at the moment has no genre. We’ll see where it ends up. Tonight, just two lost souls on a rugged Oregon beach. Tomorrow, one might be a vagabond exploring the Pacific Northwest, the other a dark mermaid. Maybe not. That’s the beauty of NaNoWriMo, it’s unpredictable.

Reminds me of ninjas. All good NaNoWriMo novels have a random ninja somewhere, or at least that is what I have been told. The official welcome letter I read to my students even mentioned ninjas. When I explained that the common NaNoWriMo wisdom is to just add a ninja when you get stuck, they grinned. My last book had a ninja. Or at least a misunderstood joke about a ninja…

So here’s to all the unexpected ninjas this month might bring and to the reminder that starting something new can be fun. Tonight I’m thankful for my passion to write because it takes me on new adventures from the comfort of my couch, with my dog asleep on my left foot and my cat sprawled across my lap, her paw on the keyboard. Doesn’t get much better than this, or at least not for me.

This year’s inspiration from Bandon, OR… If only I could write from here…

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Link up for Thankfulness Thursday @ Domestic Fashionista.

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Oct 11 2012
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Family, Life, Travel

Thankfulness Thursday: Unconditional Love

Autumn sunbeams and floating spider webs above a crystal clear alpine lake,

Warmth and family.

Mom, brother, and one dirty, happy dog.

Driving north on 1-5 Tuesday morning, alone, save for Simon buckled up in the backseat, tears streamed down my face. Headed to visit my mom, who lives three and a half hours away, four words rang true in my head:

I need my mom.

I rarely think those words. I love my mom, yes, but at 29, I rarely think I need her. Realizing these words are still true, I was overtaken by emotion. I need my mom. Words so true tears had to follow.

Separated by time and space, I often forget I need her. We talk less than we should, weekly phone calls stretching into 10 days, 11, 12, sometimes 14. We see each other maybe four times a year. Important visits, but I forget I still need her.

I need that woman who cuts fresh flowers each time I visit, bakes me pies and rubs my head. The woman who plays Scrabble with me and still offers to brush my hair. The very woman who used to call me her baby and carry me around in her arms. Driving alone, I realized I need my mom.

Today I am thankful for a few days in Mt. Shasta, the sun still warm, my mom, my brother, and my dog. Sitting around playing games late into the night. My brother showing me his project with the earth, the cob home he is building, the greenhouse with its foundation, the desk and pile of books alone in the woods. Reminding me of the meaning of unconditional love.

Driving south on I-5 today, rain dotting my dusty windshield, soulful music playing loudly, instead of crying, I smiled and sang at the top of my lungs. Time well spent, reinvigorated, alive. I am thankful for family, our roots strong and connected like trees, unconditional.

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Join in for Thankfulness Thursday and link up your post with Ashley at Domestic Fashionista!

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Oct 04 2012
21 Comments
Family, Life, Teaching, Writing

Thankfulness Thursday: BE BRAVE.

Today is the second installment of Thankfulness Thursday. This week’s theme, be brave.

1. Eight happy little query letters left my computer today as I fought back some serious stage fright. It took courage to press send each time, but I did it! I’m sending them out in batches of eight because eight is my lucky number… 8/8/83, born. 8/8/08, engaged… Big sigh of grateful relief that I got this far.

2. Speaking of engaged, yesterday was my three year wedding anniversary. Today I’m grateful to all the incredible people who made it the happiest day of my life. My family, Alex, and my friends, THANK YOU! It’s funny to admit, I actually had to push myself to be brave to let this day happen. My inclination was to run away and get married with a tiny audience, but I’m so glad we didn’t. I realized in the process that involving others wasn’t about putting on a show, but instead about creating a community of love and support from the people with which we’re grateful to share our lives. Incredibly and humbly thankful for this day and everyone we love.

Three years ago!

Three years later! (Still smiling!)

A big thank you to my glorious family.

And to our glorious friends!

3. One of the bravest people I have ever met is 10. This week, she brought in the Black Eyed Peas track “Where is the Love?” Before playing it for us, she gave the class a little speech about how she chose it because she felt her classmates needed to reflect on how they treat one another at school. She then demanded that students sing along with her and would not stand for any laughter or horseplay. She is my hero this week. I wish I could tell you her whole life story. If you’re anything like me, you’d cry with amazement.

4. Sometimes I try things when I teach that require me to be brave, like taking 30 fifth graders outside to attempt a human model of our solar system. Watching the students laugh as they unsuccessfully tried to orbit the student in the middle (playing the sun) reminded me why I teach. So thankful for that happy little reminder. We’ll try again when it’s not 100 degrees outside…

Studying the planets and creating our own maps of the solar system has been a highlight of our fifth grade year so far.

There you have it. Four things for which I am grateful on this fourth day of October. Thanks again to the lovely Ashley over at Domestic Fashionista for the inspiration and graphic! Wishing you a brave and thankful Thursday.

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Sep 27 2012
6 Comments
Life, Teaching, Writing

Thankfulness Thursdays: Inaugural Post

Going back to school following summer break has been an exercise in positivity. Imagine seven glorious weeks where your entire life is in your control. Write whenever you want, do yoga whenever you want, visit friends and family whenever you want… Okay, maybe that is my vision of freedom, not yours, but you get the idea.

Then, suddenly, your life belongs to thirty (deserving) children once again. It’s like the ultimate post-vacation hangover, because you aren’t just lamenting a week or two passing, you’re letting go of what has become a habit-forming, newly-adapted lifestyle. You get a really good taste of freedom and then it’s gone, and when I say gone, I mean welcome to one of the most draining, time-consuming-yet-equal-parts-rewarding jobs on the planet.

But, this is the real life of a writer and human being, bills need to be paid, and other passions need to be fed, which in my case, means teaching children, at least for the time being. Eight weeks into my return to the classroom, I find it hard to believe an entire “summer” has passed since my cherished seven weeks ended. Overall, I have adjusted and am finally getting back into my groove, but I still miss the freedom.

Accordingly, when I saw another blogger generously share her idea (and image!) for Thankfulness Thursdays leading up to Thanksgiving, I had to jump in. I know gratitude is one of the healthiest fixes for the soul, or at least for mine. Accordingly, a quick list of this week’s gratitude highlights:

1. Monday, Career Day for spirit week, a little girl comes in dressed in jeans and a cardigan. “So, what career are you modeling?” I ask, skeptical she might be taking advantage of the day to wear whatever she wants, instead of her regular uniform. “I’M YOU! You always wear these sweaters!” she exclaims, tugging the sleeve of her sweet, little teal cardigan, very proud of herself. Talk about heart melted! (And, yes, I may have a cardigan obsession.)

2. Unwired Wednesday. After a state of near tech burnout Tuesday night, I decided Wednesday would be computer-free afterwork. 5PM, I shutdown my laptop and did not look back– a glorious return to hot yoga after two weeks of finding excuses, delicious dinner with the husband, and the second episode of Downton Abbey’s newest season. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G how the simplest evening can feel so good. Thinking Unwired Wednesdays might become a tradition.

3. Today marks four working days until my week-and-a-half fall break. Looking forward to sending out my query letters, celebrating my three-year wedding anniversary in wine country, attending Hardly Strictly Bluegrass with my much-missed Bay Area friends, and spending time with my mom in Mt. Shasta. As much as teaching can wear me down, I am also incredibly grateful it fluctuates between busy and freedom. Going back to a life with only 3 weeks off a year seems unthinkable, (unless, of course, I’m writing novels…).

So, what are you most grateful for today? Feel free to jump on the Thankfulness Thursday bandwagon and borrow Ashley’s lovely graphics.

Above all, here’s to being healthy and alive!

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Aug 23 2012
4 Comments
Life, Teaching, Writing

Superhero Training: Focus on the Good Things

Another teacher blogger recently described her ability to let chaos wash over her.  While my little “Relax” poster on my wall attempts to refocus my brain on this goal, I still feel like the young superhero unable to harness my powers.  There are moments when I shut off my frustration and just wait patiently for the storm to pass, feeling no stress, superhuman.  However, there are still plenty of other moments where I forget how to be calm, cool, detached, stuck in my wimpy humanity.

Instead of freezing time, my new favorite (and more attainable) superhero power is a zen-like readiness for everything life brings my way.  Yoga helps a little in this training.  I definitely leave class feeling like my car is floating home, my mind a million miles from whatever stresses emerged in my day.  The other training I too often forget, is stopping to consciously appreciate the good things.  So, a small list, of everything school-related that made me smile today:

1.  A student that moved over the summer sent us a postcard for our Husky Fan Club, so we wrote her back, making our own, hand-made postcards.  Reading the students’ responses reassured me we have truly bonded as a classroom family.

More than one student included the word family regarding our classroom.  Happy tear.

2.  This year I have taken more time to set students up for free-writing by telling them about my own writing process and desire to become published.  Never have I seen my students work so fervently, silently writing as quickly as their pencils will carry them in ten minutes.  When the timer goes off, they groan, wanting more time but excited to count their words.  A lifetime love for writing in the making for at least some, I’m sure.

3.  Brainstorming for their Hopes & Dreams project, students started a discussion about whether money buys happiness.  Of course, they disagreed, but we ended with one student explaining that money buys freedom, a potential source of happiness.  Sometimes they are wise beyond their years.

4.  Lunch with a student today, on a big blue picnic table underneath a gigantic pine tree left me feeling fulfilled.  Sometimes they just need to talk.  If only I could tell their fascinating secrets… Teacher first, writer second.

5.  One more day completed on this wild journey.

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Jun 12 2012
2 Comments
Health, Home, Life, Teaching, Writing

Notebooks, Notebooks Everywhere!

I don’t keep a diary or a journal.  I do keep notebooks and notebooks full of lists, ideas, quotes, and little pieces of inspiration.  I recently read that both adults and children that keep gratitude journals are happier and healthier.  That’s what my notebooks are for me, little conscious reminders to live life and be happy.  I encourage some of my students to do the same thing and am planning to make a more concerted whole class effort next school year.

Interestingly, these notebooks helped to pull me out of my darkest moments and are now an integral part of my life.  At yoga last night, I realized that I need to start bringing a notebook to class so that I can jot down all of the ideas that come to me while I’m out living life.  Others might think I’m strange, but I swear by these little notes to myself.  They keep me creative, inspired, planned, and happy.  They help me shape my own reality.

My current rotation of notebooks.

I use my notebooks to collect quotes…

And brainstorm life choices. This was before quitting my old job, I like how I thought there was a magic answer.

Happy little inspiration scribbles…

Plans for the future, (Six Weeks is now Expecting Happiness)…

And, today’s list, plans to finish my book with help from my lovely readers.  Thanks ladies!

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Feb 20 2012
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Life, Teaching

Advocacy, Humility & Gratitude

It is not in the still calm of life, or the repose of a pacific station, that great characters are formed. The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties. Great necessities call out great virtues. When a mind is raised, and animated by scenes that engage the heart, then those qualities which would otherwise lay dormant, wake into life… 
– Abigail Adams

I read this quote on a friend’s Facebook page recently, and it touched me deeply.  It made me think about how greatness does not come out of avoiding difficulty, even though it can be very tempting to do so.  

When I first realized that I wanted to be a teacher, I found myself inventing reasons not to follow my heart.  Mostly, I was afraid of failure.  I was afraid that it would be too hard and that I would not live up to my own expectations.  It was far more comfortable to avoid failure altogether than to face it head on.  Then, somehow, I found myself doing it anyway, and I was right– it was really hard and there were many days that I failed. But, in allowing myself to fail, I also gave myself space to grow.

In becoming a teacher, I have also become an advocate for children. Some of these children come to school hungry, cold, and in need of a lot of love.  Many of these children lack the life experiences that I treasured growing up.  Accordingly, in a strange way, they have become my children, who I love, guide, and struggle with everyday.  In taking on this role, I have accepted the humility that comes with asking others to help them, and this in turn has opened my eyes to the great generosity of people all around me, creating a humbling gratitude inside of me.

A few months ago, I shared how painful it was to watch students come to school without jackets.  It made me remember the times as a child when I forgot my jacket and felt cold.  The idea that these kids weren’t forgetting jackets, but instead did not have them, broke my heart.  Nonetheless, I was amazed by how many people reached out to me after I shared this experience.  My dad even marched into my classroom the very next morning with a jacket for a student that I told him about!

A dear old friend from college, who has always had an amazingly full heart, also reached out to me.  Without being asked, she organized a fundraiser among the employees in her office, and raised enough money to buy nearly two dozen jackets for the students that were still coming to school cold.  These jackets were delivered to my house this weekend and I could not believe how beautiful they were.  The fact that strangers in another city were willing to reach into their own pockets to help the students at my school was deeply humbling.  My gratitude is immense.

The willingness of people to help without even being asked has inspired me.  It has shown me that when presented with a need, many people want to help.  This is turn has inspired me to begin asking people for help, an act that does not come easily for me.  Recently, another teacher and I set up an online fundraising site to ask friends and family to help us take our students to the Exploratorium in San Francisco.  To our amazement, we have already raised more than $600!   

Between the jackets and the field trip money, this week has inspired me to keep moving forward, even when things feel difficult.  I am deeply touched by all of the people that care enough about our students to keep them warm and give them new life experiences.  Thank you to everyone that is teaching me humility, giving me reasons for great gratitude, and helping to change the lives of students at my school!

Gigantic bags of beautiful jackets for students at my school!

Thank you, thank you, thank you Old Navy donators!


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Feb 01 2012
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Life

It is good.

I know that I said that I was done with my book.  That may have been an exaggeration, or better put, a partial truth.  It’s more like I am done with the story.  However, in my fiery haste to write 50,000 words in two months, I left a lot to be polished and expanded.  Now, Tuesday nights are my night to write, my time alone, inside my head.

Tonight’s polishing stretched me to 53,000 words.  That’s about 212 book pages…  When all is said and done, I expect to have more like 60,000 words, or 240 pages, which is still on the shorter side for most published novels.  I just wish that I had the time to sit and focus and get it done.  Going back is fun, layers are emerging, new chapters are appearing between old ones.  Spring break can’t come fast enough.

Despite my restlessness, my theme for life this week is, “It is good.”  Anything that I find myself complaining about, I am following up with “It is good.”  For example, as much as I cannot wait for spring break to write with more abandon, I know that it is good that somehow I’m still finding a way to write in spite of my busy life.  It is good that I’m passionate enough about it to still make it happen.  It is actually kind of magical when I think about it.  My book has grown out of seemingly nowhere.  It is good to have something that energizes me to come home after a long day at work.  It is good.

I’m finding that this phrase applies to anything.  It is good that teaching is challenging, hard, makes me want to scream, cry, kick, laugh.  I am becoming tougher and more capable.  It is good that plans change and schedules are not always kept.  I am becoming more flexible and more appreciative of the people around me in the moment…

All things seemingly bad or challenging have their silver linings.  They make us tougher, smarter, braver.  They push us to grow.  They force us to make changes and move forward.  Granted, I know that not all challenging things seem this way, I just pray that I have the strength to make them all this way, to be conscious enough to find the good in everything, even the really hard things.

It is good.  Life is good.

I leave you with my favorite songs of the evening:

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Dec 06 2011
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Teaching

Jackets and Other Fun Things

Trying to write a book is zapping my energy to blog.

That aside, there are a couple of things that I want to celebrate.

First, I recently noticed that a handful of my students still do not have warm winter jackets.  This was very saddening to me, (even more so than all of the challenging life stories that I hear everyday, funny where the line is for each of us).  I shared my frustration with friends and family and received a huge response from people willing to help me find jackets for my students.  My dad even went to Target at 10:00 at  night just to buy a jacket for one of my students, (and showed up the very next morning to deliver it!).  As much as I was saddened to think of my students cold, I was really inspired by how many people in my life care enough to change this.

Second, I worked 52 hours last week!  This is a celebration because I had been working 60!  I am cutting myself off at 5PM, (7AM to 5PM), and forcing myself to spend only a couple of hours planning on the weekend.  It feels better, even if there may at times be a mess on my desk.  My goal is to keep this new trend up.  Eventually I want to join the 4:30 club, but I’m not there yet.  And, yes, there really is a 4:30 club among some of the teachers at my school!  But, that’s a good thing.  I’m feeling like the quality of my teaching is going up with the decrease in quantity of work, as I’m more patient and mentally prepared to deal with everything that comes my way.

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Nov 26 2011
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Life, Teaching

Perspective

This morning I woke up excited to go back to school on Monday.  Instead of a dream where nothing was going right in my classroom, I dreamed that I had a fabulous day where everything was coming together and I felt like an effective teacher.  Dreams are very powerful in setting the tone during my waking hours.  Now, I am sitting here re-energized to go back to school, excited to see my students, eager to try some new tricks and to be consistent with my old ones.

It sure beats the dreams I have where everything is going wrong and I wake up a stress-case!  It’s funny too, just yesterday I was telling a friend how the end of breaks are always so hard for me, how I start to stress about time slipping away from me, about how quickly I’ll be back absorbed in the challenges of my classroom.  However, with a shift in perspective brought on by a restful week and an encouraging dream, I’m now sitting here excited to go back.

Realizing how easily my perspective can shift from a stressful one to an excited one causes me to wonder whether there is an easy trick for always remembering to reframe my thinking.  I feel like it is trickier than it sounds, but I also think it is funny how often something seemingly little can help me change how I see things.  In this case, I’d like to find a way to always remember to step back and look at my job as an exciting and rewarding challenge when I start to become stressed, overwhelmed, or nervous.  I’m determined that it is possible.  If you have any tricks, I’d love to hear them.

So, happy Saturday.  I am determined not to look at today as two days before I have to go back to work or as “Oh no, time is running out.”  Instead, I am determined to embrace today as its own, completely independent entity full of events and activities that I have been looking forward to, as well as a chance to get caught up on little tasks before everything gets busy again.  May you have an equally enjoyable and productive day and remember that how you look at everything around you matters too.

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Jul 31 2011
2 Comments
Teaching

Gratitude

Working for a school is a humbling experience in itself, but the last two days have been the most humbling so far.  I arrived to my classroom yesterday to find desks and chairs, that’s it.  School starts Tuesday.  The desks weren’t even the right ones and the chairs were zip tied together in bunches, so the room felt truly empty.  I know a lot of new teachers begin with the same or worse, so this is not a complaint, I just did not expect it to feel so overwhelming to discover that there were not even shelves in my room!

My classroom in the first couple of hours yesterday.  Putting the UW chair in the corner made me feel a little better! 

I think part of my reaction was due to expectations.  I expected most of the furniture I needed to be in the room and started to feel lost knowing where to put everything I purchased and collected over the summer without it.  However, this is the part that is really amazing!  With the help of my lead teacher, other teachers at my school, the principal, and the building manager, there was enough unwanted furniture collected from other parts of the school to make my room functional within hours and the rest was quickly ordered to reach me in the next few weeks.  Moreover, my husband and sister spent the entire day with me, helping to make do with what we had.  So, by the end of the day, my room was far from complete, but so much better thanks to the help of nearly a dozen people!

I am truly humbled by all of the help that I have received to make my classroom ready.  My mom has been collecting books for my classroom library and other odds and ends for over a year.  My dad bought me the coolest maps to hang on my walls.  An old friend from college donated a wonderful used stereo.  Another friend gave up the husky stuffed animal that her husband worked so hard to win at the fair for their kids.  Other friends have promised postcards for my students, including one who has already sent a postcard from Chicago.  Yet another friend is going to spend part of her Sunday in my classroom, helping to put together a bookshelf and get posters up on the wall.  My husband spent both yesterday and today running around campus helping to whip my room into shape, giving up both of his days off.  My sister spent nine hours on Friday in my room and is recruiting friends to come help with her again all-day Monday.  My lead teacher spent half of her classroom prep day helping me to get what I need for my room.  My entire team of fourth/fifth grade teachers has contributed time and classroom items to help me be prepared for Tuesday.  My coach came in and patiently listened while helping to move desks and tape off the spot where our class carpet will be.  Another new teacher, and friend from my program, lent me bins for my students to use since their desks will have no cubbies for the time being. Many others on my school team popped in to help me with materials or kind words of encouragement or simply to offer help…

I know that the list of helping hands in the coming days and years will only grow longer.  This is why I feel so humbled this afternoon.  Even though my to-do list still feels endless and probably always will, I feel like I can take it on because others have so selflessly helped me.  Working at a school is the most humbling experience I’ve ever had.  I feel part of a true community and am really touched to have so many wonderful people in my life willing to help.  Thank you all!

My first morning message for my students, including our first postcard.

The beginnings of the Husky fan club, hope you’ll join too!
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