Category Archives: Writing

Mar 09 2013
7 Comments
Dogs, Family, Health, Home, Life, Teaching, Travel, Writing

Spring Break Anticipation List

Last year, my spring break was magical. We went to Carmel, ran with the dog on the beach, dined in fancy restaurants, spied on fish at the aquarium, and ate German food with friends on a rainy evening in SF. Like I said, magical.

This year, no big trip planned. My husband has to work, and I’m left mostly to my own devices. One of the blessings of a teacher schedule is that some of my breaks are spent at home. Back when I only had three weeks off a year, every one of those vacation days was spent going somewhere. Now, I have the time to unwind.

There is, however, a catch. I have found that if I just wing it and don’t use my time wisely, I get anxious that I am squandering my valuable time off. My solution, a long to-do list, which I’ll spare you here, (because some of it is not so fun, like lesson planning and writing my last darn State of California teacher essay). Instead, I’ll just give you my favorite pieces:

  • Yoga. I know you’re shocked. I plan to use up those darn Groupons I keep buying and luxuriate in yoga all week. That in itself is a relaxing escape from normal life.
  • Read. I’m a funny reader. People give me books all the time, and instead of waiting to start a new book until I finish whatever I’m reading, I usually get impatient and add the new book to the mix, which leads to reading six books at once. I’m excited to go sit on a coffee shop patio, enjoy the week-long 70 degree forecast, and read, read, read.
  • Dogs. Yoga cat disappeared. She’s gone, our dog is lonely. My husband wants to get him a friend. I might give in… Or just take him to the dog park with my teacher friend.
  • Day-trip. If I can’t spend the week somewhere, I can at least get us out the door for the day. Thank goodness Northern California is filled with so many amazing spots. Look forward to a post about one of our favorite adventures– a Muir Beach hike and a lazy lunch on the lawn of the Pelican Inn.
  • Write. Oh yeah, and maybe I’ll write something. I have lost my momentum, but I hope to find it again over the next week.

I know I’m fortunate to have this time at home. I wish we lived in a society that created more time for people to stop and enjoy life. I know we create what we want for ourselves, but it is a nice thought. When I lived in Spain for the summer, I was taken aback by how everything shut down for summer festivals and holidays and siestas and quiet shop-free Sundays… I hope you get a little spring break in there somewhere too.

My sweet husband surprised me with some spring break tulips.

My sweet husband surprised me with some spring break tulips, a great start to my week off.

I am an ADHD reader. Here is the pile I have been reading simultaneously. My goal, finish them all so I can start a new batch!

I am an ADHD reader. Here is the pile of books I am reading simultaneously. My goal, finish them so I can start fresh.

Tagged , , , ,
Feb 28 2013
2 Comments
Health, Life, Pets, Teaching, Writing

The Secret to Forgiveness is Love.

The March Bloggers for Peace challenge is to write about forgiveness. Instead of writing about any one instance of forgiveness, I offer a simple idea. The secret to forgiveness is love, and love is a choice. If you decide to love, then you can also decide to forgive.

The beauty of this secret is that it does not apply to just lovers, or family, or friends. It applies to anyone. Strangers even. Have you ever imagined love for a person who is pissing you off? I swear, it changes the mood. Suddenly you start to see the person a little differently, to imagine what brought him or her to this moment where your paths have crossed so tumultuously. If there is an opportunity to hold a grudge or judge another person, there is also an opportunity to love.

I kid you not. In the most basic expression of this, I forgive my students all the time. In the middle of a really good tantrum, they often say terrible things. I am hated, threatened, you name it. Children or not, it is often tempting to feel angry. When I force myself to focus on my love for them, any inkling of anger is diffused, (in fact, these thoughts usually make me smile, which in turn just confuses the hell out of them and sometimes results in smiles on their faces too). Love conquers all.

Of course, some things in life may feel too terrible to forgive, but I still believe this is a choice. You choose whether to hold on or let go. It’s funny. As I sit here and type now, I realize that the hardest person to forgive very well may be yourself. So, for tonight at least, I’ll forgive myself for my own imperfections. Thanks Bloggers for Peace for helping to spread the love (and forgiveness).

For more great Peace Cats, check out:

And, thanks for sharing your peace cats, Rarasaur! (Check out other hilarious/inspiring/poignant ones here…)

Tagged , , , , ,
Feb 27 2013
5 Comments
Health, Life, Teaching, Writing

When it’s hard, try harder.

When it's hard, try harder.

“This is too hard.” Those words make me cringe. I hear them daily. They might be the most common words in my professional life. I tried to ban them. It didn’t work. They still sneak their way into lessons, tests, discussions.

“When it’s hard, try harder.”

That’s my newest response. I wrote those words on the board today, before we took our reading benchmark. I also tried something else. The school psychologist slipped a book into my box, Teaching Meditation to Children. We closed our eyes and imagined ourselves on a beautiful spring day confronted with an enormous wall. Instead of turning around, we figured out a way over, through, under… We didn’t give up.

The irony does not go unnoticed. I teach kids to do their best, to not get discouraged by their mistakes or failures. Yet, sometimes in my personal life I want to give up. Lately writing has felt this way. At first I was unfazed by the rejection letters from my queries, but more than forty later, they are beginning to feel heavier as they pile up. The worst are those from agents who asked to see more but then weren’t interested. The others feel less real, less personal. They didn’t take the time to look.

I’m not sure what’s next. More querying, rewriting, beta readers, self-publishing, a different project, or some combination of it all. Today I realized the important part is that there is something next, that I follow my own words to try harder when it’s hard. After all, what good is a leader who does not believe her own words. Maybe a little meditation would not hurt either.

"Children experience feelings such as love, joy, fear, disappointment and anger with intensity they may never match in adult life." So true. I remember that intensity. I also remember the teachers who asked us to close our eyes and imagine.

“Children experience feelings such as love, joy, fear, disappointment and anger with intensity they may never match in adult life.” I remember that intensity. I also remember the teachers who asked us to close our eyes and imagine.

Tagged , , , , , ,
Feb 24 2013
8 Comments
Writing

What’s up with WordPress?

Anyone else notice that posts are missing from your reader? I feel like I’m missing blogs I follow regularly– AND, because I follow my own blog, I’m noticing my own posts not show up. This worries me a bit, not so much because you might miss what I post, but because I feel like I’m missing what you post.

Have you noticed the same thing? Any solutions? Or… Is it just me?

Pretty much sums it up.

Pretty much sums it up. Thanks Wrinkle in Time.

Tagged , ,
Feb 22 2013
6 Comments
Health, Life, Teaching, Writing

Week 25: If I could just surrender…

This week I surrendered to teaching. With my big observation next week, report cards almost due, and the talent show around the corner, this week was packed. Then there was that two hour non-profit interview about my residency experience, a few more parent phone calls, and all my regular responsibilities, like actually planning, teaching, organizing, making copies.

Thursday morning I awoke from a dream where I was presenting my lesson for my observation to an auditorium full of 500 squirmy children, including a rowdy bunch of high-schoolers who entered and exited in the middle of everything. Oddly, I made it through the entire lesson, step by step, and opened my eyes with the feeling that if I could teach under those conditions, then I’d be fine in real life with the dreaded rubric.

As if it weren’t enough that I couldn’t escape my job while sleeping, Thursday turned out to be all around intense. Good old Maniac Magee had one of his most challenging days yet, (which always means ten other children also have urgent needs arise simultaneously). To make everything more fun, at the very peek of all the excitement, a herd of observers, possible donors as I later found out, headed straight for my door. Fortunately I was able to mouth the words, “We’re kind of in the middle of an emergency,” to my principal before they descended on my classroom.

Needless to say, I have been thinking a lot about what makes my job stressful and why sometimes I am able to manage it better than others. In the last seven days I have been told by three separate people that I am a saint. I assure all interested parties that I am not. But, I would really like to be. I’d like to always be calm, collected, loving no matter what is happening around me. Sometimes I am closer to this than others.

This week I accepted teaching as my entire life. I surrendered. I admit, I put up a fight on Tuesday, and felt miserable for it, but by Wednesday afternoon I accepted that things like afterwork yoga in an actual studio just weren’t going to happen. And, once I stopped fighting it, everything felt a lot better, minus a few minutes yesterday when I thought my head might explode because everyone needed my attention and I just wanted to curse.

See, definitely not a saint.

Which brings me to now, Friday night. I left work later than usual, went to a meeting, still have work to do this weekend, but I feel at peace. I’ve surrendered. If only I could always surrender. I almost wish I did not have such a deep-rooted desire to write books. If I could just teach, or at least just teach during the year and ignore book writing until my breaks, I think I could be a more relaxed human being… Half the reason I fight 11 hour days at school is because I am so anxious to get home and work on my writing. My nagging need to produce words won’t go away.

This all leads me to you, kind reader. I must know. Do you surrender to one passion at a time or chase everything at once?

Today, a student gave me the most sincere letter of my teaching career, which will now live proudly on my home desk with the school bus, a humorous gift from a friend with me at the wheel. My heart is in it. So, why do I still need to do five things at once.

Today, a student gave me the most sincere letter of my teaching career, which will now live proudly on my home desk with the school bus, a humorous gift with me at the wheel. My heart is in it. So, why do I also need to be a published writer?

Tagged , , , ,
Feb 16 2013
6 Comments
Family, Health, Home, Life, Teaching, Writing

Google Calendar, An Organizer’s Dream

Sometimes I’m a little late to the party. If you already use Google Calendar, this post is probably not for you. If, on the other hand, you are an obsessive list maker/planner and you do not use Google Calendar, read up.

This week my husband started using Google Calendar to better organize his time at work and home. He added me to his calendar so that I could schedule in all of our social engagements and know when to expect him home/free. As I started adding our upcoming obligations, I realized I needed this calendar, too.

My calendar in progress... Makes my week feel better to visually see everything coming my way, including exercise.

My calendar in progress… Still playing with how much to add, but nice to at least have must-dos in front of me and a place to combine all my lists.

Google Calendar is amazing. You can simultaneously look at multiple people’s calendars, (when they share with you), and you can color code everything, (a great way to visually get a sense of how you spend your time). For years, I have kept separate lists/calendars for home and work, and something about Outlook has never really translated for me, (especially since I don’t have it on my home computer or phone). Google Calendar, on the other hand, works easily everywhere– on any computer or device with internet access, and it’s free.

Had to share because much like Gretchen Rubin in the Happiness Project, I believe efficient and organized time use cuts out a lot of frustration and wasted energy trying to keep track of everything, (which leaves more time for the good stuff, like actually writing).

Happy Saturday and happy organizing!

Tagged , , , ,
Feb 11 2013
2 Comments
Life, Writing

Twenty Words: Life.

Life.

Life is a tenuous set of strings,

With scissors lurking.

The questions is–

Will you tie them back together?

Tagged , , ,
Feb 03 2013
18 Comments
Life, Writing

Is Twitter an Empty Canyon of Self-Promotion?

Alright, I know there are a number of Twitter diehards out there, maybe you can help me see the light. While I get that Twitter is useful for connecting to strangers, it feels a little like Linked-In on crack to me. One week in and I’m still not sold.

For those of you who love it, how do you quiet all the irrelevant noise? Are you actually “listening” to everyone you follow or do you follow to get followers?

I feel a little like Twitter is a gigantic mob of people screaming into an empty canyon. People with tens of thousands of followers add me because they follow tens of thousands of people to get those tens of thousands of followers. How can they possibly listen to anyone if they’re following that many people? Do they care at all about what others have to say or is it entirely out of self-promotion that they hope to pick up a few more follows under their belt?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind if it’s entirely about self-promotion– that’s why Linked-In exists and Twitter seems like a much easier way to connect and glean insight. I also get that some people use it like a Facebook status update to connect with friends, and I’m glad that exists as a way for people not to make Facebook status updates every 2 minutes. I am just not sure I completely get it yet.

I’m picking up followers, I’m following people, but I’m not convinced anyone is actually listening to each other, (except maybe people who have a lot more time to spend on the computer during the day than someone like me who only uses the internet for an hour or two each night). I like that I have found a sea of literary agents to follow and research, so that, to me, has been the coolest part. Otherwise, I just feel like I’m yelling into a canyon.

Reminds me a little of this scene from Garden State, one of my all-time favorite movies, btw.

Reminds me a little of this scene from Garden State, one of my all-time favorite movies, in case you were wondering.

Tagged , , , , ,
Feb 01 2013
8 Comments
Dogs, Family, Health, Home, Life, Teaching, Writing

Week 22: Anticipating the Small Moments

This week marked the passing of the 100th day of school. The kindergarten and first grade teachers dressed up as 100 year-old ladies and the students squealed with delight. One student asked the other fifth grade teacher why we don’t dress up too. She responded, “Because we would have to be mean old ladies, not nice ones.”

That kind of sums up what teaching fifth grade feels like sometimes. I have to be stoic else I succumb to laughter over forced farts, sexual innuendo or goodness knows what else. Fifth grade is a constant adventure. Occasionally, I crack. However, it’s in my best interest to remain stern. I get why.

This week I survived some pretty traumatic fifth grade break-ups, (for them, not me), awkward puberty conversations, and the reintroduction of chocolate milk to their school diets, (a point I’m lobbying to change). My crowning achievement was not teaching my students to master adding/subtracting/multiplying/dividing fractions, but rather to hold tree pose. It’s the little things.

Now, I’m home, I’m tired, and I’m ready for a well-deserved weekend. Monday I have my last mini-observation and I’m determined not to spend the next 48 hours over-thinking it. Someone else made an anticipation list for the weekend, and I have to say, this might be my favorite idea of the week. Anticipation slows down time… It also puts value on moments, big or small.

So, here’s my weekend anticipation list:

Yin yoga, (candles, 95 degrees, slow movement, meditation, bliss), no alarm clock, my nephew’s fifth birthday party, SuperBowl Sunday featuring SF (first time I’ve ever slightly cared), family dinner, tradition, query letters, my fluffy dog and Fair Oaks bridge with one of my long-time besties, hot tea, snuggling on the sofa with my honey, quiet. Maybe even a little peace.

I feel more relaxed already.

It's so easy to look forward to the big moments, I'm attempting to learn to anticipate the small ones too...

It’s so easy to look forward to the big moments, it’s refreshing to stop and anticipate the small ones instead…

Tagged , , , , , ,
Jan 31 2013
8 Comments
Dogs, Health, Home, Life, Pets, Teaching, Writing

Good Riddance January, Hello Video Blog

I envisioned this post as my monthly Bloggers for Peace entry, but I have to admit I’m not feeling very peaceful. January was an intense month. While I kept my cool through the intensity, I’m hoping February will bring a shift in energy.

If I followed astrology, I would be certain some planet was in retrograde or crossing or whatever happens when people act nuttier than usual. The full moon, maybe… Or maybe it’s just January. I’ve heard that more people die in January than any other month. Something about holding it together through the holidays, perhaps?

I get that it is a bit of a let down. Suddenly the festivities are over. The parties are done, everyone goes back to work and their regular lives just as the coldest cold sets in. Last year I was sad to let the holidays finish. This year I didn’t mind. I was ready for 2013. But then January caught me off guard.

Sure it had its good moments. It certainly went by quickly. I’m still in the middle of leaving a note for a different student each morning, my daily act of kindness. The notes have earned me hugs, puzzled looks, smiles. I survived my first clothing-optional hot springs visit, (I remained clothed if you missed the earlier posts). I did yoga nearly every day. That’s probably the best part, hours and hours of yoga. I even taught my students to hold themselves in tree. It’s our peaceful, yoga contest when we need a break.

I’m just glad January is over. All 31 days of it. May February bring a little more daylight and a little less intensity.

And, what the heck– I was going to over-think my first video blog, but instead I give you the real me. Unscripted, after a long day of work… Sorry for the lame sound synching and the lack of focus… I’m already talking myself out of it as I type. Must hit publish before I change my mind, part of my goal to be brave and really put myself out there as a writer this year. Here it goes.

Tagged , , , , ,
Jan 27 2013
8 Comments
Life, Writing

Big Dreams: Author Platforms, Twitter & Video Blogs (Oh my!)

Alright, I did it. I signed back up for Twitter. Maybe the third time is the charm? I still don’t completely get it, so if you’re into Twitter, you may have to give me some tips. You can follow me here. I’ll absolutely return the favor. To be perfectly honest, Twitter gives me a bit of anxiety.

I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe it’s the constant stream of 140 character or less messages. Maybe it’s the porn bot followers I always end up with. Maybe it’s the threat of one more online outlet to monopolize my thoughts and time… I have to promise myself it will be a quick afterthought. You know, five minutes a day, not hours drained into the frantic declaration of short thoughts against a puffy, clouded backdrop.

What sucked me back in? The answer is a compounding one. First a fellow blogger swore by it for getting book and agent attention. Second a different fellow blogger wrote me an email to share her success in building a bigger audience. Third I watched this video by Folio Literary Management and best-selling author Brendon Burchard, which swears Twitter is a must for every aspiring author.

Fine.

I’ll give it another shot. But seriously, not sure why my blood pressure increases every time I think about it…

In other, non-Twitter news, that link above is great for anyone who writes books. Got me motivated to push myself out there a little more in this whole platform-building process. I have become a bit complacent in recent months, happy enough with my little blog community, not pushing to expand.

However, I get that if I really want to traditionally publish my work, I need to keep pushing myself out there… So, I’m going to do it. I’m going to keep pushing, without being obnoxious to my core readers, I hope. One other thing the video convinced me to try, videos on my blog.

Yikes.

That’s another one of those things I have resisted because it feels so… I don’t know… Self-centered? Like, look at me! Watch me talk, I have something important to say that needs to be delivered in a video instead of a regular blog! I guess all blogging is at its core somewhat self-centered, so I’m willing to let that go if putting my voice out there helps to build an audience.

So, my lovely, true readers, here are Sunday’s big questions:

1. Do you have any Twitter advice for me? What’s the deal with hashtags? Do I need to put them everywhere, or what?

2. Video blogs… I haven’t caught any of you making them. Why don’t you? Or, alternatively, what in the world should I make a video blog about? I’m giving myself a week to come up with something, since I’ll need natural light to make a decent one and, well, that won’t happen during the week, (like my excuse in delaying this whole jump?!).

Happy Sunday.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,
Jan 26 2013
4 Comments
Health, Home, Life, Teaching, Writing

Week 21: A Week of Somedays & Giving

The past two weeks my goal has been simple. Write less, relax more. The result, however, was unexpected. Sure, it was nice to relax, but time actually passed faster, not slower after work. Without my routine of an hour or so of writing each night, time melted together into one big blob each evening. I felt restless and a little less happy. Proof enough I need to write.

In the midst of this whole experiment, life has been full of moments. The detailed death of funky monkey, one of my more imaginative student’s gigantic stuffed animals. The stunned looked on innocent faces after a terrible accident. The child who brought a thermos of coffee to school for his ADHD and sat like a little old man with his Japanese zen cup looking out the window to drink it. Tumultuous political discourse. Plumbing failures and late night communal with nature.

Maybe that’s the plus side of slowing down. More time to notice the details, pleasant and otherwise, that will someday add texture to my writing. More time to laugh at the craziness. I’m just not good at slowing down. I fight it. Time disappears and feels somehow wasted.

At least the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success was part of this downtime. I have it playing on loop in my car. I’m determined I need to hear it more than once. It resonates. It reminded me to live without judgment, (have you tried this? I had to laugh at the irony of watching someone litter out their window as these words played for the second time…).

My favorite principle, however, is about giving. Give to everyone you meet, whether it be a blessing, a compliment, or something material. I don’t know why I love this one so much, but I do. I give to my students everyday and this is one of those things that fuels my being. The idea of consciously giving to everyone I meet is exhilarating. Reminds me of a fellow blogger who blesses all the other cars along the morning commute.

Not sure what I’m giving you today, other than a rambling mess of words about life, but you are giving me a gift by reading them. I’m beginning to realize giving and receiving are really the same thing. Thank you.

On second thought, I know what I’ll give you. My favorite music videos of the morning. The first for its message that home is about people, the second because the kids will make you smile:

Tagged , , , , ,
← Older posts
Newer posts →